Wednesday, April 27, 2016

How To Get Published In Three Easy Steps

I think there are approximately two people in my real life who actually read my blog.  And that's when I send them the link directly.  Even then, it's 50/50 whether or not they read it.  Which is why I feel justified in writing this post.  None of my real lifers will have to hear about this, yet again, but I get to share my extremely exciting news to even more of the world.

 I was recently published, and PAID, for an article I wrote for Salt Lake's City Weekly.  Not only was I published, but my article made the cover and it was a full four page spread.  I was so ecstatic when I heard the news, I immediately shared on my personal Facebook page and Instagram.  Now that my excitement has died down a little, the reality of what this means has finally sunk in.

My Salt Lake City Weekly article can be found here!


And that reality is...I'm totes legit peeps.  I'm an official, freelance writer.  And as such, I feel it's imperative that I share my knowledge and talents with those of you who haven't been quite as fortunate as I.  And so, without further ado, I'd like to bestow upon you, you sad, struggling unpublished populace, the secret to publication in three easy steps.

  1.  Know your audience.  You really need to think about who is going to read your piece and why it would be of interest to them.  It helps if you include boobs. 
  2.  Persistence.  If the Editor doesn't return your attempts of solicitation, he'll appreciate follow up phone calls, e-mails, and especially if you show up at his office on Main Street downtown unannounced.  It will break up the monotony of his day and he'll be obligated to acknowledge your dogged determination.
  3.  Know your worth.  You work hard and you deserve to get paid hard.  Negotiate for a fair price and if they're not willing to pay, well, that's when you play hard ball.  In the form of slowly peeling a grape, shoving it up your nose, blowing peeled grape into your hand and offering said hand for a farewell shake. 
It should be clear at this point that I have no idea what in the living hell I'm talking about.  I submitted my article as part of an assignment for school and was as shocked as an electroconvulsive therapy patient when the editor actually contacted me saying he was interested in my article.  Then even MORE shocked to learn I was actually going to be paid for something I had such a blast doing.  It was amazing.  I want to do it again.  And Milo wants to know when I'm actually going to use the treadmill I bought with my earnings.  Silly dog.  Little does he know it's actually just an oversized bra hanger. 


20 comments:

  1. I love your tips. I think it's a safe bet, that I will remain unpublished well into the foreseeable future....BUT YAY for you. Congrats!! BTW Milo is just adorable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Cheryl! I think Milo is adorable as well. He's my favorite part of every day.

      Delete
  2. So many fantastic and helpful hints from a seasoned published author. ❤️❤️❤️
    "You sad, struggling, unpublished populace" was my favorite part.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha yeah...
      It makes me happy that you read this drivel. :)

      Delete
  3. This is awesome! Congratulations to you. Excellent article. But, I am not at all surprised. Well done. I hope this leads to great things for you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind words Annie. :)

      Delete
  4. Congratulations! How exciting!

    But now you'll have to get new business cards, so you can include the line, "Published, Well-Paid Freelance Writer Person and Very Big Deal."

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey VV, that's awesome news!! I'm going to print those tips off and staple them to the wall of my office/mancave! (don't tell my wife, I'm not supposed to put holes in the wall)

    Oh....wait, does this mean that I actually have to write something first?

    Damn.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. GET ON IT KEN!!!!!!!!!!!! You're officially worse than I am.

      Delete
  6. Awesome! What a great feeling :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Congratulations to you! Having known you in blogland for quite some time, this makes me so very happy for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. :)

      Delete
  8. Fantastic! Your advice is golden!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeahhh...if you're talking about a golden shower, then yes, it's golden. ;)

      Delete
  9. Check YOU out, writer lady! Good for you. Many congrats!

    Also, I had no idea you were in SLC for some reason, and I was there for a night just last week. Yes really! What is that massive black thing with the eagle on it, over one of the streets? Yes, I'm technical, hi! Also, you have a lot of hills.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WHAT?? Hit me up next time you're here! As for the Eagle thingie, I had to look it up. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700020286/Historic-Eagle-Gate-a-prominent-Salt-Lake-landmark.html?pg=all

      Delete
  10. I know I've just met you (a few blogs back) but love you already. I'm pleased for you and hope to follow your tips to becoming a household global phenomenon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA!! The love is mutual Anna and with my foolproof formula, you can't fail!

      Delete