Sunday, May 10, 2015

Cancer and Rain Clouds. They're Both Stupid.

My Dad has cancer.  Oh.  Maybe I should have eased that into this post a little more delicately.  But I don't feel like it.  They found it in two places and he just finished the round of tests to see if it's spread to his bones or organs.  Now we're waiting for the results.  So that's fun.

I was on my lunch break when my Mom let me know the results of the biopsy had come back and that it was in fact, cancerous.  I had actually forgotten all about it because it was never really an option that my Dad would have cancer.  We're not that family.  We don't get serious illnesses.  Dementia, Alzheimer's, sure, those a-holes are inevitable.  But my parents need to live long enough to get them.

Back to work I went with a blotchy, red face.  When my coworker asked if I was okay I was really good about holding it together.  I lasted a whopping .001 seconds before my chin quivered, face crumpled and the flood gates opened.  So that was fun too.  

Anyhoo, since then I've been doing a really great job of not thinking about it.  Coworker asked the other day how I'm doing with it all.  I told her just fine.  There's no reason to get upset about something that may or may not be worth getting upset over.  Until I know something factual, it's not an issue.  She said that was a really positive and healthy way to view it.

It's called denial.  And last time I checked (which, let's be honest, is never but still pretty sure I'm right) denial is never a positive or healthy way to deal with things.  Which may help to explain the little black rain cloud that's been looming over my head and following me around like an annoyingly shitty shadow that only serves to make me think I'm stubbier and rounder and fluffier than I really am.

After being fired in October, I went to visit my Sister in Nova Scotia which turned out to be the best trip I've ever had there since visiting as an adult.

  I started a new job in December which pays more than I was making at the place that canned me and gave me 4 weeks of vacation right off the bat.  10 days of which I'll be using this month for a vacation in England.

Once I get back from England, I'm trading in my jeep for a newer model.

I've recently gone back to school and just finished my first class.

I still have the best dog any girl could ask for and many people in my life who love me and I love them.

All of these amazing, happy things to have going for me.

And yet...

This damned little rain cloud refuses to stop growing.