Sunday, April 14, 2013

Asians Are Awesome

I started 7th grade at a new school in Ontario, Canada.  Just a few months into the school year we moved to Florida where I started at another new school.
After realizing the joke of an excuse Florida was trying to pass off as an educational system, my parents pulled me out of that school and home schooled me the rest of the year.
 8th grade, found me starting another new school where I often sat alone at lunch with my nose buried in a book to distract myself from realizing how lonely and awkward I felt.
 9th grade, yep, another new school.  I recall one class period sitting at the table with the other two class misfits while the other table was packed with the popular girls.
At one point during class, one of the cool girls called over to me, “Dawn, there’s room over here.  Come sit with us”.  After quickly getting over the initial shock of being addressed by name, I responded with “Oh, thank you but I’m okay over here”.
 Before cool girl could respond, misfit #2 piped up with, “I’ll come over”, and quickly grabbed her stuff and crossed the great divide from misfit table to cool girl table while I focused on picking my jaw up off the ground.
The hell?  While initially I thought I turned down the invitation because I didn’t want Misfit #1 & #2 to feel bad about being left behind, years later I think the real reason if purely selfish.

 I prefer the company of misfits.  Not only do I feel more comfortable, they’re astonishingly more intriguing.  Not that Stepford wives can’t be intriguing.

Except they can’t.

My point is, I like weirdos.  I tend to gravitate toward the oddballs and choose to spend my time with the misfits of the world.  If you're one of my real life friends who happen to be reading this, I'm sorry, but you're a big giant weirdo and I love you for it.

Which brings us to Nghia.  He's a forensic toxicologist for the state of Utah and is currently in an open relationship with Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Making sweet science magic.  (His words)

Seems legit, right?
Wrong. 

 This is how Nghia showed up at the DMV earlier this month to renew his drivers license.  What kind of person purposely glues on a raper stache to pose for their drivers license that they'll have for the next (insert correct number of years here since I don't know how long they're good for and don't care enough to look it up) years?  THIS guy, with the equally creepy fake uni-brow.

And now, before you scroll further, I'd like to apologize in advance for the ocular assault your eyeballs are about to experience.

The real Nghia.
His Christmas card.  And yeah, he really is a Reverend who does weddings.  I'll get you his number.
I um...I just... lets move on.
A sexual vulture.  Obvi.
I honestly have no idea.
The googly eyes make this reasonable. 
Prettiest blonde Asian.


Celebrating his Irish heritage. 
   And finally, the picture below at one of Nghia's birthday celebrations where he found himself topless, yet again, and trying to compensate by turning his birthday banner into a birthday cape.

I don't remember what was on that belt buckle, but I wanted it...badly.
In a valiant effort to keep this topless tragedy from happening to others, Nghia has taken it upon himself to equip the masses with his very own brand of creepy class.  May I present...

The Heber Creeper!  With Nghia's own mug up in the corner there.  

Officially my new favorite tee.
He was most likely high on fumes from his lab when deciding this was a good idea and I'm pretty sure he doesn't actually live in Heber, UT.  However, I can't confirm that he doesn't own the molester van to go with the molester stache.  He made this masterpiece, along with hoodies, scoop neck tees and baby onesies (cause that's not creepy) with the help of outletshirts dot com.  And good news!!!  He's currently accepting orders for his next printing.  Leave a comment or e-mail me and I'll pass you along to the nutter.

OH!  And even more good news ladies...or whoever.  His relationship with PBR is open so that means technically, he's available.