Tuesday, January 22, 2013

FIRMOO!! Yeah, I didn't know what that meant either.

Sooo I agreed to do another review.  Don't worry, I'm not trying to pass off another sex toy as a toothbrush.

Nope.  This time it's for a company called Firmoo,  A global on-line optical store.  They even have a first pair free program.  They offered to let me review a pair of sunglasses or eyeglasses of my choice.  

Mind you, when I agreed to do this review, there still existed this giant, crazy ball of flames in the sky known as the sun.  I was stoked for a free pair of new shades.  I went to the site and started perusing the sunglasses available for review.  What I discovered was, there was no way in hell I'd wear the sunglasses offered for review.  They were, well, in a word, fugly.

Welp.  Now what?  My eyesight is just fine so I don't wear glasses.  I perused further and discovered I needn't have worried because...
"The old opinion that glasses are only necessities for people with vision problems has already gone. Glasses are increasingly becoming a fad and must-have accessories for  celebs and fashionistas. Everyday we can spot millions of non prescription glasses wearers and we are constantly fascinated by many noted film stars’ signature non prescription glasses.They instantly upgrade your look of modern, sexy, vintage or geek by wearing different styles of frames."
And BAM.  Just like that we're back in business.  There's even a nifty virtual try-on system you can use with your own photos.

Which I did not use.

Which is why I ended up like this...

These little gems can be found here.  Click me!
I wore them to family dinner on Sunday and was met with mixed reviews.  Well, actually it was the same review from everyone.  By mixed I mean mixed signals.

Mother asked, "Why are you wearing glasses?"
I explained.
"Oh.  I think they look cute", said through a tight lipped smile indicating she meant the exact opposite.

Enter youngest sister.  "Why are you wearing glasses?'
Already sick of explanations.
"Well, at least it's not another sex toy review.  And, uh.  They look cute", said as her voice rose in pitch indicating a bald-faced lie.

I made brother-in-law try them on then immediately, inadvertently, insulted him.  So I'm gonna skip that part.

In comes Father.  "Are you wearing glasses?" he asks while squinting at me having clearly misplaced his own.
My answer in the affirmative was met with, "Oh, I like them.  They look nice", said as his eyes narrowed into even smaller, squinted slits.

Thanks Mr. Myopic. 

I decided my family's opinion didn't count.  Besides, they clearly couldn't be trusted to tell the truth.  And if you can't trust your family, who CAN you trust?

I went straight to facebook.  Obvi.

I asked my fellow facebookers to leave a one word adjective to describe the look.  Some didn't know how to limit it to one word.  Some didn't know what adjective meant.  But they tried real hard and by golly, I love em for it!  Here's the result of the awesome outpouring of participation:

  • Smartest-looking-girl-ever. If there are dashes between the words then it makes it one word. And pretty;).
  • Spec'tacular!
  •  Aw, come on! Give me two words! Love'em. There. I did it in 1. Ha!
  • Hey, now you look smart.
  • Strabismus. That is my word. I'm sorry, but I'm just not used to this look!
  • totally ADORB!
  • Symbiotic
  •  um
  •  Spectacular
  • Cute
  •  Spec's are cool...jacket lame.
  •  Enigmatic?
  •  Velma?
  •  allowed.
  •  Studious
  •  Very Hot Dawn!!
  •  sleek
  •  Meh
  •  sexy secretary
  •  Sexy. LOVE glasses.
  •  Cute, but you've got better ones.
  •  Smart
  •  Its hard to judge the glasses fairly with that cheesy grin on your face....
  •  Space.  As in they leave a lot of space around the eyes.
  •  Nerd

So, everything from sexy to meh, to nerd to um.  I was still undecided, so I subjected my accommodating coworkers to my indecision by seeing how the specs looked on them.

Left to right, top to bottom, we have Juan, (aka Jon, in case you didn't get that) Steven, (his own chosen code name.  I tried to convince him to go with Stephen at least but he wasn't having it.  But really, what can you expect from a Steve?) Cindy-Lou-Who (my office crush), Toph, (aka asshole, naturally) Bruce, (Dominique, actually, but she was channeling Bruce Lee while wearing the specs) and Little Em, the department rock star.  

What's that?  The photo quality is grainy and sub-par?  Sorry, I can't hear you.  I have my awesome prescription-free Firmoo glasses on.