Sunday, June 30, 2013

I Really Don't Think It's Too Much To Ask That It Be Mandatory You Move Out Of State Once We Break Up

I'm in my late 30's.  I've been dating since I was 16.  The number of ex-boyfriends I've accumulated over the years is quite impressive.  Or alarming.  Or disheartening.  Or unfortunate.  Or distressing.

Yeah, I'm gonna stick with impressive.    


I live in Salt Lake City which, ya know, tries so very hard to be a real city, but just doesn't quite pull it off.  It's the kind of city that just barely got a Dunkin Donuts and is still working out the kinks in our public transportation system so we'll stop killing pedestrians approximately once a week.

It's the kind of city that simply isn't big enough to hold me and my plethora of ex's.  Which is why, for those of you who were kind enough to move out of state, I sincerely thank you for that.

For those of you who stubbornly insist on not uprooting your lives and continue to dwell in Zion at the cost of my personal comfort and overall contentment, well, that's just plain selfish.  It's no wonder it never worked out.

I'm not sure what kind of trickery the universe is  using to mess with me, but it seems I've been running into ex boyfriends with disturbing regularity.  The most recent, I haven't seen for 15 years or so.  Years which have not been kind.

I was leaving my grocery store.  Yes.  MINE.  He was walking in.  We made eye contact while passing each other.  The eyes looked familiar but more recognizable was the cowlick in his hair that still refuses to be tamed.

I turned around to get a better look and he had done the same.  That's when it clicked.  I won't get into the other reasons why I had a hard time identifying this person.  That would just be mean and every so often I have days where I'm not a huge asshole.  Today I'm just a medium sized asshole.

We hugged hello and caught up on each others lives.  Turns out he works directly across the street from MY grocery store.  Unacceptable and certainly inconvenient.

It's not that I hate all my ex's and would rather scoop my eyes out with a melon baller rather than ever have to see them again.  It's just so awkward.  Especially when you run into another one of them while they're with their new significant other they've recently married.  The same significant other they dumped you for while you were out of state serving a mission.  What?  I'm totally over it.



 How to Avoid Running Into Your Ex

Breaking up is hard. Breaking up in a small town, well that can just be downright miserable. You have all of the heartache, emptiness, emotional eating and drinking with the heightened chance of frequently running into your ex. 



Running into your ex is something you imagine doing months down the line when you're looking fabulous, in an outfit that says, "I'm effortlessly amazing," and you've got some sweet man candy on your arm.  But you don't want to run into them in the beginning, on a regular basis and especially not when they are with another girl. It makes cutting the emotional ties that much harder and can just be annoying, so how do you avoid them, especially when the town you live in is rather tiny?





Avoid going to all your old haunts--

Yeah, that spot you like be the lake is pretty, the restaurant with the fancy bread is delicious, the bar with the skeeball machine is a lot of fun and the Adam & Eve toy store brought you a lot of fun, but they are also places that the two of you went to all the time. Going there will just bring up old memories and liken your chances of seeing your ex. No need to make this like a divorce case by dividing your favorite locations. Just give them all a break, find new restaurants and come back after you feel like you've given them the proper time off they needed.



Let go of their friends--

This can be a hard one. A relationship naturally leads to the blending on friendships. His friends love you, your friends love him, that's just the way it is. In a perfect world, we could all continue hanging out and there'd be nothing but butterflies and sunshine, But it's not a perfect world. Severing the friendship is a surefire way to avoid your ex as well as avoiding feelings of resentment and jealousy from your ex.



Blocking all of their social channels--

These days, you don't have to go to the mall to run into your ex, you can run into them on the internet and suddenly, with one click, your whole world can come crashing down. Removing them from your life is important, so take the time to do one of two things: delete them from your Facebook, Twitter feed, and Instagram, or change all of their settings to hidden and limit their access to you.  This will give you the ability to have a late night stalking session when you're PMSing, but keep them from invading your life daily. You also won't have to see their check-ins or photo uploads of where they've been.



Avoid areas they live and work in--

At this point, you have become accustomed to hanging around and driving through the areas your ex lives and works in, but being accustomed to it doesn't mean you have to go there. Find new routes to run your errands and get around town. Don't drive by their house just because that way is faster. You'll look crazy and undoubtedly see them. At first, you'll like it, but then you'll see them getting into their car with a girl and all that sneaky happiness will go right out the window. So skip their street and office park and discover new, ex-free roads.



Pick up new hobbies--

You guys built a life together and in turn, picked up new hobbies together. Visiting wine vineyards and going to yoga was fun, but consider trying new activities for awhile. This will help you meet new people, maybe even a new dude, give you new interests and most of all, help you avoid your ex.



Running into your ex is inevitable. It's going to happen at the most inopportune time--you know, when you're hair is a hot mess, you're holding a giant Slurpee and you've just lost your job. That doesn't mean try to be your most excellent self at all times, waiting for that moment. Just live your life like you usually would and implement some of the steps above to avoid your ex as much as possible.






36 comments:

  1. The Internet is ones best friend and worst enemy all at once. It provides you with awesome people, but also the opportunity to never let go properly - thus never really healing like you might have done pre-Internet era. I know I don't. Heal. Ever. Anymore.

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    1. Exactly. I just BARELY booted an ex off (Steele) fb after having broken up over 3 years ago. I'm a slow healer too. You'll get there.

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    2. Oh no Annika! Did you disable your blog? I just went to visit you but can't find it.

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  2. Then there can be the sweet satisfaction of reconnecting on social media or running into them somewhere and it validates why you dumped the dolt. If he happened to break up with you, you can thank God you didn't end up with him long-term!

    I hadn't thought about the issue of social media impacting the 'moving on' process. Yeah, that would be tough.

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    1. It's always easy to remember the good times...until you take a moment to remember why you broke up in the first place.

      It does make it more difficult when you have little to no self control and can't help but fb stalk them. Not healthy. At all.

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  3. Running into an ex is the worst. It's like you said, it's just super awkward. That's why when I got married, we moved several states away. So neither of us would run into either person's exes.

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    1. Most legitimate reason to get married I've ever heard. Ever.

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  4. Dearest,
    You must embrace this karmic-crash with every fiber of your being. Even if one has crawled out of bed to go buy a bag of donuts and a box of tampons, even if you are caught wearing your fat-pants and gray hairs are poking through your tousled tresses. You must rise to the occasion and utilize the moment as THE time to drive the point home: They let THIS one go.
    Flash 'em a grin and revel in the knowledge: YOU got the better end of the break-up.
    ~Just Jill

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    1. You are absolutely correct. I LOVE this attitude.

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  5. I have recently run into one of my ex's. Ironic thing is- it was the exact same way I met him too. And while some things change, they often stay the same. Thankfully he did not recognise me and Thankfully I got out of that one when I did! Yikes!

    On the other hand, I did get to reconnect with my high school love.We had our differences then and still do now, but we are good friends and his wife is a sweet person. I wish them the best and we still chat now and then.

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    1. You got lucky that time Pixie. But be prepared! It will happen again.

      It's always nice when things end amicably and you DON'T have to skulk away hoping they didn't see you during those random run-ins.

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  6. This is one of the reasons I left Honduras...talk about a small town! He and I were the only gringos there. Could never, ever avoid him.

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    1. Oh you gotta be kidding!!!!!! You had to move. You really had no choice.

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  7. Ugh! And when they're with their hot new piece of ass and you're not sure the last time you showered? Not cool!

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    1. Not cool at all. But I'm willing to bet even after a month of no showers, you're still the hotter piece of ass. I've seen pictures of you, remember? Hottest little cartoon I've ever seen.

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  8. Vixen - you are, and always will be - "effortlessly amazing." :)
    And kudos to you for, um, getting with Adam and Eve! Cha-ching!!

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  9. I haven't had many girlfriends but I've somehow managed to remain good friends with them. Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm special.

    Or maybe I need to have a few bad breakups first.

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    1. You're not missing anything with the bad breakups. Keep the good vibe streak going if you can. Or ya know, just don't break up. ;)

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  10. Good pointers here. I don't mind running into any exes except the two MONSTER BITCHES who have messed up my brain for life. When I have imaginary conversations in my head where I run into them, I try to act totally nice and calm, and then I end up going bananas and getting thrown out of the grocery store.

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    1. When this run-in does go down, please be sure to have someone with their camera phone out and ready.

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    2. Better that I don't get that one on film. I am liable to crack a papaya over her head.

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  11. Oh, I thank the good Lord every day that one of my ex's packed up and moved to Florida and another joined the army and is in Korea. I did run into one at "all you can eat tacos" a couple weeks ago when I was home visiting my parents and... yeah, that was awkward. We did the, "should I pretend I didn't notice you or should I say something?" game.

    And on a completely unrelated note, I am bummed that my family took over my life while I was in UT last week. Number one worst thing about being Mormon: everyone and their mom friggin' lives in UT. My family, Mike's family, etc. etc. Stupid. I swear I'm going to go there someday and not visit ANYONE that I'm related to. HA!

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    1. Wait!!! So what happened? Did you speak to each other or just avert your eyes in denial?

      I was actually shocked when you thought you'd have time. Silly silly girl. ;) I hope other than running yourselves ragged, you enjoyed your visit.

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  12. Every year seems to have a theme for me. 2013 is turning into the year of Plan B - I don't decide this stuff it's just the recurrent events of the year that underline it. I entitled 2008 the "Year of Boyfriends past" - no matter what I did that year I ran into them. Guys I hadn't seen in 20 years were coming out of the woodwork at alarming regularity somewhat influenced by the fact I had to return to my childhood home town for three weeks to be maid of honour in my high school best friends wedding. It was pretty amazing to see how some of them had aged, where their lives were at and most importantly how they interacted with me. Not all of it was fun - in fact some of it was downright uncomfortable - but it really gave me a new perspective on where I'd travelled over the years and who I had been when I had been so madly in love with them (...and I'm sure some of them were equally looking at me wondering what the heck they'd ever seen in me!!).

    I totally agree about the impact of social media. Pretty sure I'm not the only one who think it's a great idea to try and find an ex on FB at 2am after a few drinks on a Saturday night! LOL.

    Flikka x

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    1. What IS it about being up late while more than slightly inebriated that we have the brilliant idea to start stalking people? People we don't even CARE about? It's a sickness, I'm sure of it. But I'm glad I'm not alone.

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  13. Oh yeah, it sucks to run into an ex. It is always awkward because you never want to see them. Unless it is a rare case where you remain friends. But yeah, it helps to live on another continent then your exes. But I guess that is not the solution.

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    1. Avoidance and denial are ALWAYS solutions!!

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  14. I hear ya about the Utah thing. Syracuse still can't have an Applebee's because people up north don't want to support places that serve liquor. Ug! *Crying like a baby* I waaaant an Applebee's (and some vodka). :)

    I'm sorry you ran into your ex. I always run into mine when I look like a drowned rat and my four kids are running circles around me. I bet you were so witty & looked gorgeous (as always) AND that makes the whole moment a victory. :)

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    1. No WAY! I didn't know that about Syracuse but really, I'm not surprised. The liquor laws in this state are so ridiculously asinine.

      I absolutely LOVE that you assume I wasn't wearing the clothes I'd slept in, with the makeup still half on from the night before, and that I was able to actually form complete sentences. Victory is mine!!

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  15. 'For those of you who stubbornly insist on not uprooting your lives and continue to dwell in Zion at the cost of my personal comfort and overall contentment, well, that's just plain selfish.' That's the best line I've read all week, and shame on them! That said, allow me to read on. (reading) Scoop your eyes out with a melon baller... ouch... Now I know why all my ex-girlfriends are blind.. (reading) There's one ex I'm still trying to run into. It's hopeless for she lives on a different continent. Not that that stops me from trying.... (reading) 'Let go of their friends...' Hmmm I guess all of my ex-girlfriends' friends bought a time-machine, read your post, and followed your advice. They freakin' all dumped me... (reading with a knife in my back).

    Thanks for the advice. What I need is a facelift.

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    1. Oh Grumpster. You're ridiculous. Thanks for the smiles.

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  16. VIXEN! I love that SLC is just full of your conquests. I'd get that on a t-shirt, personally. Maybe name the city after you instead of some salty lake. No? Exes are like buses. You don't see one for ages, then three show up at once. Or something...

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    1. Veggie Assassin!! I love hearing from you! I also love that you called them conquests rather than numerous testaments to my lack of emotional availability.
      And now I really kinda do want that on a t-shirt. You're absolutely right about the bus analogy...or metaphor...I always get those mixed up. WHY does that happen??

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