Friday, December 7, 2012

Conversations in Stupidity. And a Giveaway!!!

The company I work for has outgrown the building we're currently in.  They've bought a new building in downtown Salt Lake and we're supposed to move on Monday.  This means I've been packing crap up and sorting through garbage I haven't looked at for years.  This includes old e-mails.  I've decided to share some of the more memorable e-mail exchanges.  Memorable because of their stupidity, or their ridiculousness or simply because it made me smile all over again.  OH!  And the main point of this post before I forget because I'm blogging while more than mildly intoxicated again, a giveaway!

 *GASP*  I KNOW!

I don't do giveaways.  But, Carrie has inspired me with the most generous blog giveaway I've yet to come across.  Okay, sure, I didn't win but in the spirit of Christmas, and Erik's agreement, I'm doin one dammit!

As you all know, Erik is an amazingly talented photographer and he's agreed to let me give away one of his prints in a Christmas giveaway.  The winner will be chosen next Sunday.  I don't know the exact date and I'm not googling a calendar right now.  The size of the print will be 16 x 24 and the actual photo will be your choice.  It will be hard to narrow it down to just one but life is full of challenges.  Click here to decide what you like.  Erik is effing amazing and no I'm not biased!  Also known as www.erikharrison.com 

So here are the rules:

1.  You have to follow my blog via GFC.
2.  You have to follow Vapid Vixen on facebook.
3.  You have to like every post ever posted by Vapid Vixen on facebook.
4.  You have to follow Vapid Vixen on twitter.
5.  You have to refer every person you've ever met to abide by rules stated above and leave a comment pinky promising that you've done everything I've asked of you.

Nah that's bullshit.  There is no VV on facebook or twitter so don't bother looking.  Actually, I have no idea if that's true, there may be.  But it's not me and she won't give you a stunning photo of your choice.  All you have to do to be entered in this contest is leave a comment.  Saying whatever the hell you feel like saying.  What I'm REQUESTING, though not required, is that you tell me which photo is your favorite.  Simply because I'm curious.  Some of his photos that I would never in a million years choose, have been others favorites.

The winner will be chosen by me depending on which blogger is my favorite that day.  What??  Fine.  I'll be diplomatic and will use one of those stupid randomizing thing-a-ma-giggers.

Moving on to the conversations in stupidity.

*Sunshine:  My little secret admirer just told me I was a terrible singer.

Me: Well he can't very well admit that you're like the siren's of fishermen lore leading his heart astray to crash on the rocky shores of infidelity.

Sunshine:  I read that 4 times and still don’t get it…..I think I need to go home…..

Me:  It's cool, cause,

 Sunshine:  You skank!!!  I thought that was a real strawberry.  You're so gross!!!

Me:  So sorry.  This better?  Less confusion??


Sunshine:  There is something really wrong with you.

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You all remember Toph?  Got this little gem from him.

Toph:
Thank you for being a friend.  You are the one in front.

Me:  And you're the short one in red.

Toph:  B.S.!!!  Everyone knows I'm Blanche....(yellow) Zero real friends, hates work, and mildly slutty.

I had no response.  There's no arguing with the truth.

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As part of my job, I find instructors to teach courses for our company in different locations.  Below is a request to teach one of said courses from an instructor with a heavy Southern accent.

*Flynn:  I can teach this class.

Me:  Hi Flynn.  These classes are in Germany.

Flynn:  Have passport.  Will travel.

Me:  Flynn, are you fluent in German?

Flynn:  No.

Me:  .................

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Below is an e-mail that was forwarding it's way through the office accompanied by the response of one of the office employees.


Office Employee:  This freaking cat looks like an owl.

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Anyone remember Napa Paul?  *Sigh*

NP:  Miss Vixen,

Good Afternoon.  How is your day going so far?  Any exciting plans for the weekend?

Cheers!
Napa Paul

Me:  It's after 2:00 in the afternoon and the IT department just got my computer working.  I have a lot of catching up to do.  How about you?

NP:  Sitting in a meeting, being borred. Getting ready to go finishing on the Sonoma Coast for Salmon.

Me:  I thought we talked about the whole spell check thing yesterday Paul.

NP:  My phone doesn't spell check that well.

Me:  That's what school was for.

NP:  What's that?

Me:  Learning how to spell.

NP:  Yes I agree my spelling does stink.  I'm really excited to see you next month in July.

Me:  Next month is June.

NP:  I am excited to see you in July!  Was that spelled right?

Me:  Yes, it was spelled correctly.  Well done.

NP:  Your would be a great teacher... A teacher of what? I could only imagine!

Me:  Oh my effing hell Paul.  You're killing me here!  YOUR would be??  COME ON!!!

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And finally, an e-mail to the entire sales department from my boss.

Cathy:
Who…. is celebrating FIVE…  yes 5 years at PDC as of this first week of October.  This means she officially now earns 15 days (i.e. THREE weeks) of paid vacation and can drive the company Porsche anytime she wants (it might be a Honda Accord or Civic, I’m not sure, don’t quote me).  Either way, we are happy she keeps cruisin’ along with us while having a riot of a time with the OS TEAM, woot woot!  She is the ‘wizard’ of all things instructors and travel and coordination and overall amazingness with the hard work and multiple projects she accomplishes each day.  Stop by and give Dawn a high-five for her wonderfulness!  Thanks Dawn for all you do!

     Cheers & thanks to our happy camper Dawn





Me:  Thanks Cathy and team.  However, I think the picture below may better depict how the last five years have affected me.









One word.    Hot.


 *Names have been changed to protect my overall health and well-being.