Saturday, December 1, 2012

Boobs. Don't Get Excited. It's Not What You Think.

This is the last question in Carrie's 8 week long contest and per usual, I've waited until the last day to post.  Also, I have a birthday party I still need to get ready for so this post is gonna be quick and dirty.  Emphasis on the dirty.  But not the good kind...well, that depends on who you are, actually.  Stay with me here.

This week we were given two questions to choose from.

If you could be locked in somewhere overnight, where would it be and what would you do?  Would you be by yourself or with someone, and if so, who?

or...

Many of us have that one moment or decision that, if we could go back, we would choose differently.  If you could go back and get a do over, what would you do?


I choose the "do-over" question.  And my do-over moment would be my boobs.

This picture made me think of boobs and then I giggled.  Until I realized it would mean these poor boobs both have inverted nipples.  Which are gross.  But I'm in a hurry.  And don't want to google boobs anymore.


While I was in the middle of my longest relationship to date, I realized I was in competition for my significant others affections.  Not with just one other woman.  Nope.  It was with thousands of other women.  Perfectly sculpted and perfectly enhanced women with the sexual prowess and endurance of the hottest of energizer bunnies.  Yep.  He had it bad for porn.  Real bad.

I decided I'd better step up my game.  Having searched his history, I knew what he preferred.  And it wasn't what I had.

One little trip to the operating room, a slice here, and a shove there, and easy peasy.  Bigger boobs for Vapid!

Oddly enough, the relationship didn't last and we now live on opposite sides of the country.  Oh.  And I loathe porn.  I don't usually get very passionate or worked up.  I'm pretty apathetic about most things in life.  But porn?  I despise it.  I hate everything it does and everything it stands for.  I know that once again, this isn't the popular vote and again, I don't give a shit.  I know first hand how damaging it is.  It's damaging to the women in the life of the men who engage in it and it's damaging to men themselves to the point of physically and chemically altering the brain in negative ways.  

It's destroyed lives, it's destroyed relationships and it's destroyed families.  For someone to say it's "just porn", that person is an ignorant, mentally deficient imbecile who is too obtuse to see past their own dick.

So yeah.  Porn makes me angry.  Men being weak and pathetic with their addictions makes me angry.  The fact that I caved in to my insecurities to try to please a weak and pathetic man makes me disgusted with myself  and pitifully deplorable. 

Boobs.  That's my do-over.