Thursday, October 18, 2012

I Don't Really Want You To Read This. I'm Just Following The Rules.

Ugh!  I don't even wanna tell you guys about this because it's such an amazing giveaway.  Unfortunately, spreading the word is part of the rules and if I'm known for anything, it's being a stickler for rules.  Although, every now and then, I do like to cut loose and go a little crazy. 

Why, just the other night, I ran with scissors!  And then used those very same scissors to cut the tag off my mattress.  Which is totally illegal you guys!

But enough about what a bad ass I am and back to the matter at hand.  Carrie, over at The Slow-Dripped Life, is giving away a trip.  Yep.  The Great Get-Away Give-Away.  And Pickleope, if you're reading this, if I win this one, I'm keeping it.  You're amazing but I live in Utah for hells sake.  I gotta escape every chance I get! 

Just click on the link to check out the rules and while she doesn't require it, you should go ahead and follow her while you're at it.

I missed the first week's question because I was out of town.  For my birthday.  With one of my best friend's Kelly.  At Disneyland.  Yeah.  Two grown women went to Disneyland together.  Which nicely segues into Carrie's question for this week.  What is one of your most favorite travel memories or trips?

I had a blast this last weekend in California.  We made the 10 hour drive down and stayed in Mission Viejo.  We had some interesting conversations during that drive.  90% of which can not be repeated on this blog.  Something you should know about Kelly.  She is also a bad ass.  She's 6'0 and has had the lap band surgery to help with her life long struggle with weight loss.  She has been diligent with her food intake and meetings with her trainer.  She's been working SO hard and has so far lost 120 pounds.  Every day is a new struggle for her and she's admitted that she is addicted to food the way others are addicted to drugs. 

I had just eaten a handful of pretzels from a bag I'd just purchased and tossed the leftovers into the back.  In trying to explain her addiction she said,

"I would give anything right now to finish off that bag of pretzels.  I would blow you to get to those pretzels."

I pointed out the problematic fact that I was lacking a penis.

She countered, "If you HAD a penis, looked like a penis, if you were one giant mobile penis, I would blow you to get to those pretzels." 

This was not my most favorite travel memory. 

But this one is pretty close:


 Kay, not really.  Just evidence that Kelly is an asshole.  Which is why she's one of my favorite people.

THIS however, really will be one of my favorite travel memories.  Kelly hadn't gone on a roller coaster since she was in junior high because of her size.  She decided she was willing to risk personal embarrassment and possible humiliation and hope she could fit in The Screamer.  I promised her if the harness wouldn't fit, I would fake a seizure while throwing up on myself.  Happily, for all involved, there was no need.  For her first roller coaster in a long time, we got the front seat and screamed our throats raw.  And THAT really will be one of my favorite travel memories forever. 

Love the dude yawning behind us.  Whatev's.  It was terrifying.


And while that was awesome, it was nothing compared to the terror we faced on Splash Mountain.  And by "we" I mean me.

Shit just got real on Splash Mountain. 

And this is random but I had no recollection that they sold turkey legs at Disney.  Is this a new thing?  I hadn't been here since '95 and I do not recall this atrocity.  Kelly was very excited to get her required grams of protein in while I tried to keep my dry-heaving to a minimum. 

I can't honestly be the only person who thinks this is revolting, can I?

It was a great trip and I remembered how much I loved all things Disney.  The one and only complaint I have about the place?  All the damn children.  They were EVERYWHERE!  No matter where we turned, children!  And some were even crying.  Ugh.  Like I wanna deal with THAT at the happiest place on earth.

Oh the anguish of having to wait for your turn on the teacups!

All in all it was a fantastic birthday weekend.  I rekindled my love affair with the beach, went to an Irish Pub for cheese-steak and wine (What? They totally go together) and had my tarot cards read by an 800 year old Bulgarian psychic.

I may be old, but life is good. 

I didn't even break anything!