Sunday, July 1, 2012

You Don't Need Stripper Heels & Cocaine To Have Fun. But It Helps.

Sooo remember last year when I did that 5K mud race and Erik laughed at me while refusing to join the team, coworkers insisted personal hygiene and cleanliness IS in fact a big deal, and my Mother insinuated that mud runs lead to jello wrestling which inevitably lead to stripping and doing lines of cocaine off your own 5 inch stiletto heel, obviously.

Well guess what you nay-saying mofos!  This year was even better!  Our team was bigger, there was more drinking involved and even an injury that resulted in knee surgery.  Ehhhh...I suppose that last part doesn't necessarily make it better.  More legit maybe?

Erik didn't laugh this year but that deep, martyr-like sigh when asked to take pictures again didn't go unnoticed.  I even managed to convince a few people to sign up.  Sure, all but one actually went through with it but STILL.  Lying to my face and saying you'll sign up is far preferable to flat out rejection.

And Mom, I don't even LIKE jello.


It was a blast and I giggle all over again when I scroll through the pictures.  That is, after I'm done gagging when I consider the high possibility that I spent the day rolling about in other peoples fecal matter.

 The Girls!  Is that a tongue in my ear or did I just do one too many lines? And oooh yeah!  That's a sweet ass mullet you're lookin at!


Remember Zero?  Nor-Folk-N-Chance's mascot?  Don't for a second think he got left behind.

Hydrating before the race...by shot-gunning beers. 

I'm no rookie and know that's no way to start a 5K.  I stuck with my water bottle.  Filled with wine.

Things went downhill quickly.  And literally.  I'm not even sure which guy this is but I know he was on our team.

Miriam taking liberties with Erin's chestals.  It's clearly only a matter of time until she crosses over to that dark underworld of Jello.  Floozy!

Oddly enough, Meghan did not land on her head here.  Must have been her time spent in boot camp coming into play.

Gina and I did not have the benefit of that training.  At Erik's (stupid) suggestion, we opted for going under.  Our booty's are not as small as we seemed to imagine they are.

I'm still bewildered that only one of us was seriously injured.

I have to force myself to think chocolate rather than a raging river of poo.

 Meghan getting a little aggro while letting out a growling war cry.  I suppose it's to be expected from an ex-Marine...who was drunk.  Pretty sure the girl behind her is wetting herself in terror.

 Zero was doing well for himself and keeping relatively clean...

Until he followed Erin into the last obstacle.  How sweet is this??  Very.  The answer is very.

  Why the EFFING hell can't I learn to keep my mouth shut?  I almost want to google diseases you can get from ingesting foreign substances that have been evacuated from innumerable strangers bowels.  Almost.

 The Posse. 

So who's in next year???