Thursday, November 1, 2012

A Genius Plan Born of a Fully Functioning Noodle, and a Rave!

In an effort to diminish my boredom while waiting for "those begging little peasants" (Erik's words, not mine) to finally make it to our door to collect their free sugar, I've decided to finally get around to answering question #4 in Carries amazing contest, the great get-away-give-away.  If you haven't already checked it out, don't bother.  It's totally lame and the prize isn't even anything that cool.  Trust me on this.

Right.  So.  Question #4.

This is a tough one for me.  I'm one of those lucky individuals who usually find myself at the center of envy because of my natural fluidity and grace in all things.

Except for that one time I nearly fell off the mountainside mountain biking.  Or got my snowboard caught under a root and gave myself a wicked ice rash.  Across my face.  Or the time I peed myself at my boyfriends family wedding.

I've really had to do a lot of soul searching to come up with something.  Anything, really.  And then I remembered.

The year was 1993.  I was a junior in high school near Tampa, FL.  My best friend Mandy had flown in from Ontario, Canada to stay with me for awhile.  I took her to the local hangout to play pool.

We met a couple of boys.  One of these boys was named Grady.

Grady had a pierced tongue.

Although, thinking back now, I probably only liked him because his name made me think of gravy.  I was awfully thin back then and probably hungry a lot.

Grady and friend invited Mandy and I to go with them the next night to a rave in Ybor City.

Ybor City.  Looks totes legit, right?

I had never been to a rave before but had heard about them and they sounded like the sort of thing depraved, deviant sort of individuals attended.  And really?  Allow two virtual strangers with questionable piercings and questionable motives drive us to Ybor for a night of dancing and debauchery?


Naturally, we were in.

I've read that teenagers aren't working with a fully functioning noggin.  Pretty sure that's a myth.

We made plans for them to pick us up at the end of the street at the agreed upon time the next night.  The agreed upon time being 2:00am.  The family would be asleep allowing us to slip from my second floor bedroom, out the front door and into the night unnoticed with plenty of time to be back, snug in bed before everyone awoke for church.

Dad didn't cooperate with out plan.  He had another one of his migraines and was still awake downstairs watching t.v.

We were determined and resourceful. 

Plan B!  The bathroom window on the second floor was just big enough for us to squeeze through.  It lined up with the balcony that was a few feet down.  It was decided that I would go feet first.  I squeezed and shimmied through that window like a baby oozing it's way through the birth canal. 

I'd decided once I made it out the window, I'd use the side of the house to push myself off, land on the balcony and take the balcony steps down from there.

The reality was, I made it out the window and gravity took over.  I hung from the window ledge by my fingertips for .02 seconds before sliding down the side of the house and landing in a broken, forlorn heap on the balcony.  At which point I proceeded to laugh so hard that I peed my pants.  

I really need to look into buying a new bladder.

We made it to the rave and it was...an experience.  One I never repeated again. 

This may have been when my intense aversion to crowds began.


She looks like the girl who was in the bathroom promising to catch her friend if she got dizzy after snorting...something.  I didn't stick around to ask.  The epitome of a considerate, thoughtful friend though.


Grady and friend dropped us at the end of my street with 30 minutes to spare before everyone was to wake for church.  Mandy and I booked it to the backyard to climb in the first floor bathroom window.  Even with our poorly formed brains, we knew there was no physical possibility of us scaling back up the side of the house to the 2nd floor window.

I climbed in feet first again and stepped down onto the toilet seat.

Only there was no seat.  Dad forgot to put the seat down. 

I left a soggy one-footed trail all the way upstairs and didn't care that the evidence led straight to my bedroom door. 

Stupid Grady with his stupid tongue piercing and his stupid rave.


30 comments:

  1. Yayyyy! No toilet seat! I knew there would be a great Dawn finish to that story. It couldn't just be, "we had fun and went to bed triumphantly." But through all that, I couldn't help but be curious what question #4 was? But of course you cautioned us not to go and check out Carrie's site and I am super lazy.

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    1. But. But. I even linked it up for you! You're worse than I am!

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  2. AHHH!! What a dumb bum. This is what happens when I blog sober. Her question was, "Have you had a funny/embarrassing moment happen where you thought to yourself, "If only someone caught that on camera, I'd win the $10,000 prize"? What is your cash prize-worthy moment?".

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  3. I stayed there once. Only because I was leaving on a cruise the next morning but I did sit out by the side walk like a bum and get drunk and smoke cigarettes. Oh, that was just a couple of years ago, haha.

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    1. Sounds like you basically fit right in then.

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  4. Ybor City looks cool. Take me there next time.

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    1. BamaTrav has been there more recently than I. He probably remembers it better and will be able to navigate the mean streets more easily. I'll send you his contact info. No, no, I don't mind! It's not bother, really.

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  5. Bahahahahaha, I really enjoy these stories where I get to laugh at your expense. If that makes me an awful person.... then I really like being an awful person. Sorry. :)
    And umm.... no way are you 10-11 years older than me. That is not acceptable. Please lie to yourself and be 24 again?

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    1. Although I'm not sure why it's unacceptable now that I think about it... I'm just in shock. You don't even look 30. Or maybe I just look 50? Or maybe I just suck at deriving people's ages from their pictures. If we were at an amusement park and playing the "guess your age" game.... I would lose. By a lot. Congratulations, you just won a stuffed monkey as big as a great dane.

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    2. Oh Alyx, I lie to myself every day. But you're comments made me happy AND laugh so thank you. :)

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  6. I remember seeing a guy trying to scale the side of our house with my sister hanging out the window trying to pull him up into her bedroom. She was one of the stubbornest, most determined horny teenagers of all time. She got pregnant a lot, too.

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    1. Funny. I remember watching my brother scaling DOWN the side of the house using the garden hose as rope. He got most of the way down, ended up bashing into the living room window, fell, and just kinda crumpled to the ground. It wasn't the last time he used that method. We're a s-m-r-t family.

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  7. Been to Ybor City once. Been to a rave once.
    I'd do Ybor City again. A rave? Naahhhhhh....
    Love your story of piercings and debauchery, here.

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    1. I think I'd like to try it again, as an "adult". Ybor, I mean. Not a rave. Obvi.

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  8. That was your story? I thought it was my story. My college weekends are a little blurry so I'm never sure when I hear a story like this if I did it or not.

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    1. It's kind of your story too. You were there. I remember. You were the dude in the Princess Leia bra with the ring pop in your mouth twirling the glow sticks. Your skills were impressive.

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  9. You have the greatest stories! I recall the peeing on oneself at the wedding story. I think that one was the one that endeared to you and I became an avid follwer :). I have not ever done a rave - not my thang, I guess. If I snuck out (which I only did a few times), I would just wait for the folks to go to bed and I had my stairway figured out - where to step to avoid creaking and then I'd roll the truck in neutral out of the driveway and down to the corner before cranking it to go. I would usually just drive around. Either I am boring or had boring friends...I don't know.

    What year did you graduate HS? Also, where in Tampa did you go? My Hubs grew up there and went to Chamberlin HS.

    Love the story! Time is quickly coming that the contest will be done! Can't wait to find out the winner!

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    1. I tried that once with my brothers Camaro. Not really sure what went wrong but my friend (different easily persuaded friend) and I were too wimpy to push it out of the driveway. Or maybe I didn't actually have it neutral. *shrug* I ended up firing it up in the driveway then tearing out of there before my brother could stop us.

      Graduated in '94. Geez that's a little painful to say that. I went to Land O' Lakes. I think I remember losing every basketball game to Chamberlain. But then, we lost pretty much every game so who knows.

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  10. That's so crazy! I can't believe you went through all of that just to go to a rave. They don't sound worth it. (I've never been to one and you don't seem impressed by it sooo...)

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    1. It sounded way cooler than it actually was. Plus, I thought Grady was cute. Adolescent girls do incredibly stupid things to impress boys they think are cute.

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  11. I've never been to a rave, but I kinda don't think I've missed out on that much. Not a party-girl.

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    1. The only thing you may have missed would be a good night's sleep.

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  12. Wait a minute... Am I seriously the only one wondering if your Dad forgot to flush too?

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    1. Oh wow. Ew. Honestly, I can't remember. It was dark. I was irritated and tired. Not sure it would have mattered. I would have tromped on through the house either way...maybe.

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  13. So whatever happened to Grady of the pierced tongue? :-D

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    1. NO idea! He's probably married to a stepford wife living comfortably in Boca Raton, FL with 2.5 children and a dog named Rex.

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  14. Gravy - so the name does matter. If he only knew how many girls were thinking of dinner after meeting him. I figured when you hit the balcony your dad would out to investigate the noise. I guess his headache was really pounding.

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    1. I can't possibly have been the only one to associate his name with delicious food.
      It was a pretty big house and the balcony was on the opposite end of where poor incapacitated Dad was. Luckily.

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  15. OMG- I have teens. Now I won't sleep. I used to live in St Pete Beach. But I was big and didn't do raves. I never did a rave. But I ate Cuban food at Ybor. And didn't lose any sleep

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    1. Well done Momo. Well done. Also, don't let your current company distract from keeping tabs on those teens of yours.

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