Thursday, October 18, 2012

I Don't Really Want You To Read This. I'm Just Following The Rules.

Ugh!  I don't even wanna tell you guys about this because it's such an amazing giveaway.  Unfortunately, spreading the word is part of the rules and if I'm known for anything, it's being a stickler for rules.  Although, every now and then, I do like to cut loose and go a little crazy. 

Why, just the other night, I ran with scissors!  And then used those very same scissors to cut the tag off my mattress.  Which is totally illegal you guys!

But enough about what a bad ass I am and back to the matter at hand.  Carrie, over at The Slow-Dripped Life, is giving away a trip.  Yep.  The Great Get-Away Give-Away.  And Pickleope, if you're reading this, if I win this one, I'm keeping it.  You're amazing but I live in Utah for hells sake.  I gotta escape every chance I get! 

Just click on the link to check out the rules and while she doesn't require it, you should go ahead and follow her while you're at it.

I missed the first week's question because I was out of town.  For my birthday.  With one of my best friend's Kelly.  At Disneyland.  Yeah.  Two grown women went to Disneyland together.  Which nicely segues into Carrie's question for this week.  What is one of your most favorite travel memories or trips?

I had a blast this last weekend in California.  We made the 10 hour drive down and stayed in Mission Viejo.  We had some interesting conversations during that drive.  90% of which can not be repeated on this blog.  Something you should know about Kelly.  She is also a bad ass.  She's 6'0 and has had the lap band surgery to help with her life long struggle with weight loss.  She has been diligent with her food intake and meetings with her trainer.  She's been working SO hard and has so far lost 120 pounds.  Every day is a new struggle for her and she's admitted that she is addicted to food the way others are addicted to drugs. 

I had just eaten a handful of pretzels from a bag I'd just purchased and tossed the leftovers into the back.  In trying to explain her addiction she said,

"I would give anything right now to finish off that bag of pretzels.  I would blow you to get to those pretzels."

I pointed out the problematic fact that I was lacking a penis.

She countered, "If you HAD a penis, looked like a penis, if you were one giant mobile penis, I would blow you to get to those pretzels." 

This was not my most favorite travel memory. 

But this one is pretty close:

 Kay, not really.  Just evidence that Kelly is an asshole.  Which is why she's one of my favorite people.

THIS however, really will be one of my favorite travel memories.  Kelly hadn't gone on a roller coaster since she was in junior high because of her size.  She decided she was willing to risk personal embarrassment and possible humiliation and hope she could fit in The Screamer.  I promised her if the harness wouldn't fit, I would fake a seizure while throwing up on myself.  Happily, for all involved, there was no need.  For her first roller coaster in a long time, we got the front seat and screamed our throats raw.  And THAT really will be one of my favorite travel memories forever. 

Love the dude yawning behind us.  Whatev's.  It was terrifying.

And while that was awesome, it was nothing compared to the terror we faced on Splash Mountain.  And by "we" I mean me.

Shit just got real on Splash Mountain. 

And this is random but I had no recollection that they sold turkey legs at Disney.  Is this a new thing?  I hadn't been here since '95 and I do not recall this atrocity.  Kelly was very excited to get her required grams of protein in while I tried to keep my dry-heaving to a minimum. 

I can't honestly be the only person who thinks this is revolting, can I?

It was a great trip and I remembered how much I loved all things Disney.  The one and only complaint I have about the place?  All the damn children.  They were EVERYWHERE!  No matter where we turned, children!  And some were even crying.  Ugh.  Like I wanna deal with THAT at the happiest place on earth.

Oh the anguish of having to wait for your turn on the teacups!

All in all it was a fantastic birthday weekend.  I rekindled my love affair with the beach, went to an Irish Pub for cheese-steak and wine (What? They totally go together) and had my tarot cards read by an 800 year old Bulgarian psychic.

I may be old, but life is good. 

I didn't even break anything!


  1. Why was there a shriveled up tomato on the outside of the turkey leg? I don't get it. Or is that turkey skin? Either way, gross. I don't like looking at it. It's time to stop. ugh.

  2. EW!! WTF is that thing?? It looks seriously nasty alright. I agree children tend to suck the fun out of most public gatherings...but I'm also tempted to mock you for going to Disneyland if you wanted to avoid kids. Biting.tongue.haha!

  3. Disneyland, huh. I've never been outside Scandinavia... Great pics!

  4. Hahaha yes I find that picture revolting too. And a trip is so cool! Good luck!

  5. Awww come on! I thought we had an unspoken agreement that any contest you entered you'd pass on the winnings to me! No? Not the case? Rats.
    You made me miss California. I haven't been to a legit beach in years and I might just roll around in sand to recreate the feeling. And I don't remember Disneyland selling turkey legs either. I want to go to the Haunted Mansion so badly now.

  6. That chick in the last pic looks bangable. Are you sure that the dude yawning is not about to barf?

  7. I'm TOTALLY AVAILABLE if Kelly needs someone to follow her up ladders from now on, but warn her up front - HEFF TAILGATES.

  8. Nice thong.

    You are a bad ass to hang with such a bad ass.

  9. That guy behind you wasn't yawning, he was trying to not throw up on you ;)

    That turkey leg looked like it came off a 100 year-old discarded Thanksgiving reject...I realize that's a bit redundant, but it's how I feel.

  10. Holy thong, thanks for the new screen saver, wallpaper, photo for my office, facebook profile picture, keychain photo, poster for my bedroom, photo mug and mousepad even though I don't use a mousepad.

  11. Pahahaha, all the children. Love it.

    Pahahaha, I applaud you for having the balls to put that picture up. Right after talking about penises. I don't know where I'm going with this.

  12. OK, the photo of you screaming on Splash Mountain is AWESOME! So is the last photo, but for different reasons. One is funny, the other is kinda hot.

  13. It really does sound like an awesome trip. One day I am going to make it halfway across the world and check out Disneyland. Might give that turkey leg a miss though

  14. I love that in the roller coaster picture the guy behind you two appears to be yawning. And you got Disney's nickname wrong. I like to think of Disney as The Costliest Place in the World!

  15. I agree. Splash Mountain is TERRIFYING!
    Glad you had a blast, dearie. Love all the pictures, especially the last one. Suits ya perfectly. :)

  16. Jordan- She convinced me to actually try a bite and I made her yank a piece off for me cause there was no way I was touching it. I nearly gagged trying to force it down my gullet.

    Azara- Disney needs to look into more booze stands and less turkey leg stands.

    Annika- I've never been inside Scandinavia. Let's swap for a few months.

    Gia- Thanks Gia! :)

  17. I am just getting around to all the posts from last week and comments, etc. And this post??? ROCKS!!!!

    Oh my gosh, I adore you - yes, it is confirmed. You're my new BBFF -bloggy best friend forever. :) Seriously, we have like tastes in adventures and girls' trips are the best. I loved this post - and you are one brave girl, ehm - never mind the hair-raising roller coasters - tha thong photo!! Ha ha ha ha!

    So glad you have come along, and joined in on the GIVE-AWAY madness!

  18. Pickleope- OH no, we definitely had that agreement. Except it only applies once every fiscal quarter. Hope you're having a blast with Billy Shakes though. I'll take lots more pictures of Cali once I win. And the Haunted Mansion is all decked out in Nightmare Before Christmas for Halloween. You should probably go immediately.

    BamaTrav- That chick in the last pic will shoot you in your tooth. I'm sticking with yawning. It makes me feel better.

    Heff- I will TOTALLY tell Kelly you're there for her if she needs you. And I TOTALLY don't mean that at all.

    NicePeace- I was happy I remembered undies this day. It could have been worse. And you're a bad ass for inviting this bad ass to hang with you in all your bad assidness.

    TriGirl- Can you IMAGINE? I'd never ride another ride unless decked out in a Hazmat suit. And then I'd use the 100 year old turkey leg to beat the dude senseless.

    Wow- You are so disturbing. Probably why I like you.

    Alyx- Oooo but how cool would it have been if I'd actually had balls hanging out of the thong? What? Too far? *sigh*

    Epic Fail- We were laughing so hard when the picture of Splash Mountain came up. And I think you and I have different ideas of what is hot vs. what is completely dorky.

    Mynx- I totally recommend it. Disney. Not the turkey leg. And if you can manage it, go without kids! :)

    Phil- Oh my gosh you are so right! I forgot my sunscreen and had to buy some there for $2,700.00. I actually had random ppl come up to me asking me to spray them down. I should have charged per squirt.

    Dawn- That last drop was unexpected. I did NOT remember that. :)

    CLR- Yayy! I've never had a BBFF...or even heard of one for that matter. I like the idea of renting a giant bus and all of us going on an adventure together. That would either be the best thing ever, or we'd all want to murder each other by the end of it. 50/50 odds are pretty good in my book.

  19. Hi lovely! I nominated you for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award! Yay!

    All of the information is here ^^. Congrats and talk to you soon!


  20. Dawn. I had left this opened on the computer in hopes I could read the comments once kids were in bed. Brian sat down at the computer before I had a chance. He started scrolling back up while asking "what is this?"
    "oh its just my sister's blog."
    Please stop scrolling. I did not want him to see my sister publicly flaunting her thong to the world. Luckily he stopped at the magic mountain picture where we had a good laugh and moved on to Netflix.

  21. Sarah- Thank you so much. You're a doll!! :)

    Youngest Anonymous Sister- While I would like to promise you that I shall never do things to embarrass you again, I can't, nay, I shan't make that sort of promise. The kind I know I will never be able to keep. Also, got your fb message and I wholeheartedly concur. It's gross which was why I posted it to begin with. And you are absolutely correct about the second part which I found utterly baffling, completely wrong and yes, even more gross than the picture itself. It is nice to know however, that there are people even more screwed up than me out there. And you're not related to them. Consolation prize for the win?