Monday, September 3, 2012

Sometimes People Don't Care If You're A Weirdo

Wanna know why I love blogging so much?  I'll tell you.  In fact, I'll make a list.  I like lists.  Especially short ones.  I feel like I've accomplished something and it only took me 17 seconds.

Why I Love Blogging.  A Comprehensive List.

1. I do it when I feel like it.
2. Expectations are low.
3. It's online which means the people I do inadvertently communicate with, I'll never ever have to meet them in real life.  Which, for someone who has been painfully shy since she can remember, who still makes the most basic social blunders, and has to be constantly reminded by her coworker to stop staring at her feet while walking through the office, is a calming reassurance she clings to in the cloaking silence of night.

I wish I were kidding.  I'm not.  This shyness and insecurity stems from years of being picked on, passed over, ignored and ridiculed.  Just like the mass majority.  I think we all have our horror stories of adolescence gone askance.  And we all have our ways of coping as adults.

My go-to method?  Run away.  Run far far away from anything that may make me mildly uncomfortable.

And that worked.  Sort of.  It kept me from doing silly things that would make me feel dumb which would then lead to mentally replaying my stupidity while laying in bed at night berating myself.  

But.  It also kept me from doing a lot of things I really wanted to do but was too afraid to for fear of looking mentally deficient.  For lack of a better term, I've been working on "getting over this" for years and am sure will have to consciously continue to work on this for years to come. 

Which brings us back to item #3 on my list of why I love blogging.  Avoiding real life human contact.  Ugh.  That shit's just the WORST, am I right?  I'm not much for meeting new people.  I get nervous and alternate between rambling and absolute silence.  I become this self absorbed tardling who forgets to ask the most basic questions about the other people.  It's only until I've already left the Blue Plate Diner and am driving back home that I realize I have no idea what ANY of the three people I just met even do for a living.  I didn't even think to ask if Rich's pinky toe was still intact or at the very least bent at an impossible angle and if so can I see and maybe take a picture with it while I'm flashing the peace sign?  I've no idea how long Caroline has been with her significant other, how they met, children?  Anything!  And Brett...hell.  The most important tidbit I picked up about him was that he preferred hot coco with extra whipped cream while the rest of us were enjoying our first cup of coffee like the adults we were all claiming to be.

Let me back up a smidge. Brett is a fellow blogger.  Brett of the It Was Dark, Stormy and I Lost My Serial Comma Brett.
I don't recall when he first commented but he did.  I thought his comments were funny and witty.  And then I started to read his blog.  And I laughed.  A lot.  Case in point... one of my favorite posts ever.

And so, when he let me know he'd be coming through Salt Lake on his way to Burning Man I jumped at the chance to meet up with him. 

And then immediately thought better of it.  The hell was I thinking?  He's going to realize I'm even lamer in real life than online and that just won't do. 

I got over myself. 

It was with great anticipation that last weekend, after saving Brett and his comrades from certain death, (they took 58 years to leave Colorado so by the time they reached Utah, plans for drinks changed to plans of breakfast the next morning as they were heading towards the Salt Lake KOA where they would most assuredly get themselves shanked.  They were diverted elsewhere near Park City after giving them the wrong exit but don't worry gang, they found it!) we met up at the Blue Plate Diner for breakfast.

I got a call that morning (not sure what time.  Just that it was before 10:00 and I was still in bed) from Brett saying they'd be there in 15 minutes so see you there!


Brush teeth, slap on makeup (The HELL if I'm showing up without some effing makeup) no shower, no time for brushing hair.  Just the essentials.  Like deodorant.  And shoes.

I find where they parked their monstrosity of an RV and scuttle down the sidewalk to the diner.  I tell the host I'm meeting some friends.  He points to a table of 3 inside and asks if that's them.  I squint inside trying to weigh the pros and cons of seating myself at the wrong table with the wrong strangers.

Brett saves me from that particular embarrassment by coming up behind me to show me where they're seated and greets me with a big hug.  The genuine kind of hug.  He was funny and warm and witty and exactly the type of person he comes across as on his blog.  He introduces me to his friend Rich and their traveling companion Caroline, who they also picked up off the internet.  It's not as seedy as it sounds.  The crew she was planning to attend Burning Man with disbanded.  Rich and Brett were looking to pick up an extra which they advertised online. 

When Brett introduced me to her, I had to keep reminding myself not to be the creepy girl who stares.  She had the most startling blue eyes and these impossibly perfect teeth.  She was beautiful and it didn't take someone with a Y chromosome to see how she snagged her spot on the burning bus.
The boys chose wisely and a damn good thing they did.  She became the self-appointed keeper of decorum and slayer of all things deemed "potty humor". 

At one point, while she was describing the RV, she stated, "Both sides pull out.  It gets REALLY big".
I snickered and quickly looked down at my plate hoping the brim of my hat hid my obvious smirk.
Things would have gone downhill quickly without Caroline had we been left to our own sophomoric devices.

I don't remember what we talked about.  I just remember how I felt.  Comfortable and happy in that moment to be with the company I was with.  Oh.  And I feel at this point I should mention Brett did not, in fact, order hot coco with extra whipped cream.  It was chai.  But still...   

Breakfast came to an end and we said our goodbyes.  As a final send off, Brett kicked me in the butt with his sandal shod foot.  This person who I'd just met for the first time ever, literally sends me on my way with a kick to the ass.  Who DOES that??

I do believe this is the start of a beautiful friendship. 


  1. I'm glad it went well :) I'm no good with new people either and try to avoid them, but there are some bloggers I would like to meet, and one day I hopefully will.

  2. This is some weird ironic form of payback for my expert late night text-buzzing skeelz by making me stay up even later to respond to this instead of going to bed - my own bed - without playa dust and dirt and grime - I'm so effing excited. We just got home an hour ago.

    So many comments I'd like to make back. But this is your blog, so I'll try to be brief (unlike my undies - boxers all the way - fyi).

    This is the sweetest post ever. You are too kind. Thank you for writing this. Thank you for meeting us for breakfast. Thank you for appreciating my warped sense of humor (you scare me there). Thank you for making a 'comprehensive list' that only has three items in it. Thank you for snickering at the 'it gets really big' remark. Thank you for overcoming your shyness (I totally call bullshit, but fine, I don't even know you!!). Thank you for saving us from getting shanked.

    Thanks for being one of the only good things I can think of about Utah. Hahahahaha, shut it! Really, thanks for meeting me in person. Yes, you are stuck with me as your new friend. Cheers Dawn!

    PS - Whatevs - brief schmief.

  3. I always thought that blogging was the best form of communication with the desperately shy and social anxiety ridden...which is why I've been doing it for a while! hehehe
    I have always thought that if I met any of my blog buddies in person, that I'd be fine and comfortable. But I bet anything that I would actually turn into a nervous wreck before hand! Glad it went well and if you are ever in Ireland, look me up and we can have awkward one sided conversations where we don't ask each other anything ;)

  4. You're shy? YOU are shy? The same lady who did a video review of a vibrator, is shy? This is some form of Sci-Fi post, right? You met a fellow blogger! I wouldn't do that. I justify interaction with strangers by hiding behind an anthropomorphic pickle avatar and pretending all readers are spam-bots just to quell the aching social anxiety that smothers me like a pillow over an unwanted child.
    But, seeing as how great your interaction was, I'm starting to feel like maybe we don't all need to hide and us bloggers may have something in common other than a strange narcissism. Glad it wen't well and I'll have to check out his blog now.

  5. I'm pretty shy myself..but my online ego wouldn't suggest that. I even done a vlog once...okay twice and people still didn't seem to get it that I REALLY am shy.

    I would love to meet some of my fellow bloggers someday. Keyword SOME.

  6. The problem I find with meeting people I know via blogging is the expectation to be funny. I'm actually a shy, quiet person, as you are. But then I feel this pressure to be funny. To be "on" as it were. Sometimes I step up to the plate and put on a good show, but sometimes I just can't conjure the energy to do it. So then my internet friends ask, "Why are you so quiet."


    That's me. In my normal mode. Pretty boring, I guess.

  7. It was great to meet you! I am the gimp in the crowd. That is a great breakfast place - and I had no idea you were a weirdo. Welcome to the team. I told Brett that if we keep going to BM it's a great tradition to meet up there ever year. I am bummed I missed the gang fights between the religious factions though.

  8. *stares in disbelief at a good safe distance*

  9. I don't believe that you're shy.

    I also don't believe that you got out of bed before 10 am to meet someone that you met on the internet who could have been a serial killer.

    I'm kidding. I'm all for meeting those shady people you meet online. I've done it twice. It was awkward both times. But bloggers are usually not serial killers, so at least it wasn't both bloody and awkward.

  10. I have had some awkward real life blogger interactions, probably because I'm only funny and witty and charming and brilliant online :D I'm glad you met Brett though. He sounds like good people :)

  11. Much like you, I also like blogging for reason number 3. Unfortunately (or fortunately) blogging has inadvertently led me to meet new people, in foreign countries no less. Worst of all, whenever I return to home town of 2,500 people, I get approached by people who want to talk incessantly about my blog. Reason number three totally backfired on me!

  12. I've only met a handful of fellow bloggers in real life, but I've never regretted it. I've even had many hours-long phone conversations late at night with some bloggers I had always intended to meet up with, but just never have gotten around to it. Good for you for meeting up!

  13. Aww, what a sweet story. I am still waiting for my Internet experience to pay off.

  14. :)
    Glad you got past the shyness/nerves to get out there and meet some cool people. I think you really can get a vibe from bloggers, whether you would be a good fit or not in real life.
    I'm a snitch jealous. I want to meet Brett and his gimpy buddy and the girl with the striking eyes at a diner in Utah. ::sigh:: Maybe one day...
    Also, can you be there too?

  15. I met Brett through Mandy in the MySpace days. I love his quick wit and balanced niceness and dirty mind. I don't consider myself a blogger, more of a sniveling-get-it-off-my-chest kinda person, but the bloggers I read, I LOVE.

    Pretty much everyone I know these days I have met on-line. Brett spoke very fondly of you at burning man. We had a great time and I was really fun meeting and hanging out with him. The next amazing woman I want to meet is Mandy, over wine and have all these great writers together just being who they are.

    May all the weirdos unite and give big heart to heart hugs. I know I have shed many tears over the stuff I have read on these pages. And the laughs are endless.

    aka (MoMo)

  16. Mark- And when you do, I hope you'll document it with photos and then talk trash about them on your blog. It's fun! ;)

    Wow- It says you posted this at in the morning. Was that right? Spaz. This WAS really nice of me, wasn't it? I'm pretty super. And if I'm the only thing you can think of that's good about Utah, you clearly need to come back and spend more time because there's at LEAST 4!
    I'm trying to figure out how to work "thong" into the undie theme but I just woke up and I'm still tired so it's just not gonna happen.

    Princess- I'll be in England this Spring. That's like, right next to Ireland, right? Let's meet up. Do they have Starbucks there? ;)I'm working on my obnoxious American schtick before I go. It's coming along nicely if I do say so myself.

    Pickleope- Actually, we spent the entire time interrupting each other while arguing about whose narcissism was the strangest. I didn't know we were supposed to have other topics ready for discussion. And really with the smothering bit? I need to keep up on my reading. I'd nearly forgotten how wonderfully bizarre you are.

    Workingdan- Am I making this up or did I read somewhere that you allowed someone to publish naked pictures of you? Pretty much the opposite of shy, but maybe that's just me. I'm with you on only wanting to meet some bloggers. Some I'd be sure to avoid like the plague.

    Mandy_Fish- If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me "Why are you so quiet", I'd use the money to hire some brute to go around punching all of those people in the faces. I HATE when people ask that. Let's bring MORE attention to the fact that I'm shy and withdrawn. Assholes. I like normal and boring. It's less exhausting.

    TwinSuns- Gimpy! You didn't realize it because weirdos never recognize their own kind. I'm so glad you liked that place. It's one of my favorites. And I LOVE your idea of a yearly tradition. Only, is there any way it could be referred to something other than BM? I just keep thinking bowel movement. As far as the gang fights, I'll see what I can organize. I hear the JW's get pretty feisty when challenged on their door knocking technique.

  17. BamaTrav- Why the distance? Scared?

    Alyx- As a matter of fact, you're right. This entire post was completely fictional. In real life I am a social butterfly with hordes of adoring friends and my phone never stops ringing. Next time you meet up with a blogger, I fully expect you to do your part by bringing the bloody. I want awkward AND bloody or else just don't even bother. ;)

    TriGirl- Oh that's right! It seems like you're meeting up with those other healthy, fitness-y type bloggers all the time. Pretty sure you're funny and charming and brilliant and witty in real life too. And if all else fails, we could go mountain biking together and then laugh until we pee at what complete, uncoordinated train wrecks we are.

    Lindsay- You're famous in your home town! That's kind of awesome. When people in my life talk to me about my blog, it's usually just my Mom telling me how crass and obnoxious it is. Which is fun.

    Epic Fail- OH hell! Phone conversations that last for hours? That's my nightmare! Seriously. My phone plan has 450 minutes and I rarely use half of them. Texts. I communicate via text. The less real interaction, the better. Yep. I've got issues.

    Nellie- Wait? Meeting Brett was my payoff? Well that's bullshit. I'd rather have money. ;)

    Jessica- I LOVE this idea! I think it should be an open invitation to any other bloggers who want to meet up at a random diner in Utah once a year. You're a genius!

    NicePeace- MOMO!! Where were you? Why weren't you with the Brett entourage? Next year?
    You're talking about Mandy Fish, right? She's one of the first people who started commenting on this blog. She's always been one of my favorites and I think it would be amazing to meet her.
    And all those pictures of you at Burning Man? Phenomenal!

    "May all the weirdos unite and give big heart to heart hugs."

    I love it. I really do!

  18. If it didn't sound creepy, I'd say he was getting ready to feel your boob.

    Me? Love new people. Unless they expect to be allowed to talk.

  19. Oh, I'm the same way.

    I get so excited to meet the people IRL that I've come to know online then tell myself they'll think I'm empty headed and dumb, and so then when I meet them...I AM empty headed and dumb b/c my mind is full of "they wont like you they won't like you."


    What the hell, right??

    ADORABLE YOU in the pix.

  20. Mrs. Tuna- Pretty sure he values his life enough to know better than to try that.
    If I promise to put ice in your wine, will you come visit too? I promise not to talk.

    Empress- What's with the self sabotage? Why do we do this?
    And thanks. :) I was feeling pretty skeezy that morning.

  21. @Mrs. Tuna: Excuse me, I'm a gentleman (you cant see my rolling eyes). You are on the right track but accusing the wrong groper. Dawn was grabbing my ass in that photo. Can't blame her really. But there were children present and elderly and bacon and all kinds of wholesomeness at risk!

  22. I'd love to meet some of the people I've come across during my poor blogging (uh, I start one, then kill it after about 100 posts and people get bored with that...), but they kind of all live in the States/Canada and I'm in Sweden so that's not going to happen anytime soon.

    Unless I get to be a millionaire. Stranger things have happened.

  23. You aren't the only one who is shy. I always feel self concious around new people and worry about what I should have said afterwards. You are in good company. And if I met you I would also give you an affectionate kick up the arse.

  24. I'm glad you got to meet Brett. He seems lik a very fun and down to earth guy. Even if he did kick you in the pants. I'm sure he meant it in the nicest way. lol

  25. When you meet new people just act like you're going to die tomorrow. Actually say and do exactly what you want. If they're still around afterwards you've made a friend.

  26. Wow- Don't you DARE bring the bacon into this! Don't you dare!!

    Annika- Seems to me you're doing something right. Harder for the crazies to find you in Sweden.

    Tony- Aw shucks, thanks. But don't be surprised if I decided to retaliate with a boot of my own. Out of pure affection, of course. :)

    Pixie- Meh, he's alright, I guess. I'm already over it. ;)

    B.B.- I absolutely LOVE this advice. If only I had the cojones to try it. One of these days I'm gonna. And people will be HORRIFIED! I can't wait.

  27. Just clarification on my blog post. My daughter "Sheldon the Nerd" is marrying a Brit. I am mother of the bride, not groom. uost appease the junior version of Bridezilla, most appease the savage beast and wear the dress the emotional hot mess deems appropriate.

  28. Oh you have no choice then. You're wearing what's assigned to you!

  29. Lol. I'm so glad you blogged about this! Immediately before my own chance to meet Brett, I was simultaneously excited and intimidated. Worried that I wouldn't live up to the expectations set by my own blog. But you nailed it. None of that mattered. Brett is awesome and just rolls with it. He naturally makes everyone comfy and happy.

    Great post. You have a new fan. :o)