Sunday, July 1, 2012

You Don't Need Stripper Heels & Cocaine To Have Fun. But It Helps.

Sooo remember last year when I did that 5K mud race and Erik laughed at me while refusing to join the team, coworkers insisted personal hygiene and cleanliness IS in fact a big deal, and my Mother insinuated that mud runs lead to jello wrestling which inevitably lead to stripping and doing lines of cocaine off your own 5 inch stiletto heel, obviously.

Well guess what you nay-saying mofos!  This year was even better!  Our team was bigger, there was more drinking involved and even an injury that resulted in knee surgery.  Ehhhh...I suppose that last part doesn't necessarily make it better.  More legit maybe?

Erik didn't laugh this year but that deep, martyr-like sigh when asked to take pictures again didn't go unnoticed.  I even managed to convince a few people to sign up.  Sure, all but one actually went through with it but STILL.  Lying to my face and saying you'll sign up is far preferable to flat out rejection.

And Mom, I don't even LIKE jello.

It was a blast and I giggle all over again when I scroll through the pictures.  That is, after I'm done gagging when I consider the high possibility that I spent the day rolling about in other peoples fecal matter.

 The Girls!  Is that a tongue in my ear or did I just do one too many lines? And oooh yeah!  That's a sweet ass mullet you're lookin at!

Remember Zero?  Nor-Folk-N-Chance's mascot?  Don't for a second think he got left behind.

Hydrating before the shot-gunning beers. 

I'm no rookie and know that's no way to start a 5K.  I stuck with my water bottle.  Filled with wine.

Things went downhill quickly.  And literally.  I'm not even sure which guy this is but I know he was on our team.

Miriam taking liberties with Erin's chestals.  It's clearly only a matter of time until she crosses over to that dark underworld of Jello.  Floozy!

Oddly enough, Meghan did not land on her head here.  Must have been her time spent in boot camp coming into play.

Gina and I did not have the benefit of that training.  At Erik's (stupid) suggestion, we opted for going under.  Our booty's are not as small as we seemed to imagine they are.

I'm still bewildered that only one of us was seriously injured.

I have to force myself to think chocolate rather than a raging river of poo.

 Meghan getting a little aggro while letting out a growling war cry.  I suppose it's to be expected from an ex-Marine...who was drunk.  Pretty sure the girl behind her is wetting herself in terror.

 Zero was doing well for himself and keeping relatively clean...

Until he followed Erin into the last obstacle.  How sweet is this??  Very.  The answer is very.

  Why the EFFING hell can't I learn to keep my mouth shut?  I almost want to google diseases you can get from ingesting foreign substances that have been evacuated from innumerable strangers bowels.  Almost.

 The Posse. 

So who's in next year???


  1. This is fantastic! My goal is to be able to run a 5k without passing out by the end of the year, so a mud run by next June seems realistic...

  2. I was going to try to fill a plastic pool with jello for our weekend long pool party in August, but after seeing this, I may just dig a big hole and hose it down...

  3. I'm not likely to ever do something like that, but copious amounts of alcohol would be involved if I ever did. You look like you had a lot of fun though (or you were just seriously drunk) and you've managed to avoid the evils of foxy boxing and jello wrestling, so good on you :)

  4. I'd much rather do the Jello 5K but this looks awesome too! I love that you all got shotgunned beers before doing an athletic event. But yeah, get tested for communicable diseases for daring to open your mouth in a mud pit.

  5. Ick. But otherwise, it looks super-fun! :D You could see if they have a foam 5k in your area. I know someone who just did that...the only catch is they tell you not to inhale the foam...that they blast in your face.

  6. Wow, that looks kind of awesome ... or terrifying, I'm not sure which.

  7. Holy balls, this looks like so much fun!!!

  8. I really want to do a mud run. Tough Mudder is being held an hour away from where I live in Sept., but it's terribly expensive.

    The picture with the dog has to be the most precious thing I've seen in along time.

  9. Mud on your face does make your eyes look more blue! Although it doesn't help make your teeth look whiter...oh wait, that's because it's ON YOUR TEETH!!! EEEEWWWWWW (but looks so fun!)

  10. HOLY CRAP. (Pun intended.)
    That last obstacle was not kidding around was it? And letting the dog into the race? I love it!

  11. That looks like an absolute blast. The only "fun" run I've done was the Gorilla Run, where you dress up in a gorilla suit and run in the 100 degree heat. It's... pretty miserable. But you look ridiculous doing it?

  12. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

  13. How fun Darling! Looking forward to more pictures with green jello... xoxo

  14. Brandon- Not gonna lie...there wasn't much running involved.

    Barfly- Whichever you decide, I'll look forward to your documentation which should include plenty of photos.

    Wow- There are worse things to be.

    Mark- Had I been seriously drunk, I'd still be stuck in one of the mud pits.

    Pickleope- Booze and athletics. Go together like a wink and a smile.

    TriGirl- What the? Death by foam? Sounds awesome except for the please don't breathe part. I'm looking into this.

    Kellie- A little of both so as not to be too overwhelming in either direction.

    Alyx- Your comment sounds like something Robin would say. "Holy balls Batman!"

    Nellie- Not only is it way more expensive, but they're serious! Those mofo's will electrocute your ass! Zero was such a good dog that day. :)

  15. Padded Cell- I remember just staring at Erik while he took that picture and trying to focus while blinking the mud out. It was blurring my world.

    Tricia- Heh. I see what you did there. He did it with us last year too.

    ABFTS- The Gorilla run sounds great. Except for the part where it sounds miserable.

    Mandy_Fish- Now if I could only get this look to catch on at the office...

    BamaTrav- I honestly have no response to your comment. Seriously. I got nothin.

    TSFM- You're already on next years roster. Start your training now. And by training I mean drinking.

    COCM- There may even be some shredded carrots in that green jello. Uck.

  16. Now that looks like a good time! And shot-gunning beers....the best way to hydrate!

  17. It was! And exponentially less strenuous than your 5 hundred million mile race. Although there were no giraffes or zebras at mine.

  18. That looks awesome. I did a Muddy Buddy race a few years ago and it wasn't nearly as dirty (or probably as fun!) I don't think I'd dig the mud in my mouth though...although maybe somehow that was good training for the future stripping career...;)

  19. Now this looks like a fun run! The kind of run that would inspire me to drag my lazy ass of the couch! The pictures made me seriously LoL. And what a brave pup! I was pretty impressed by his cleanliness in one picture, but in the next shot he was nose deep in a muck hole. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em I guess haha.

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