Sunday, April 1, 2012

An April Fool's Repost. Because It Still Makes Me Smirk...but mostly cause I'm lazy.




Tis the season for procreating. Apparently. What is it about this time of year that gets everyone all crazy and knocked up? Within the last month alone, four individuals I know have presented the world with the screaming, pooping, vomiting, snotting little parasites their bodies have been host to for the last 9 months. Another two have announced their conception. Is it just me, or does this seem excessive? Maybe I’m just jealous. Or maybe it’s my typical shite attitude rearing it’s baby-free head. It’s before noon on a Friday, so really, it’s hard to say.



Regardless, this whole babypalooza thing got me thinking back to my day of baby reckoning.

I had been with my boyfriend at the time for about 8 months. It was after work and we were both at his place. I surreptitiously slunk off to use his bathroom with my purse in hand. I stayed sequestered for a good 5 minutes even though the directions only say 2. There were two very obvious pink lines on that little pee stick of doom.





I was half giddy and half nauseated wondering how he was going to take the news. I pull open the bathroom door and bellow for him. “Shugs! I really need to talk to you. Can you come in here?”



He ambles in and I hand him the stick.

“What’s this?”

I don’t answer. I just look at him and blink. Twice. For good measure.



He looks at the stick. He picks up the box it came in that’s still on the sink.

He looks at the box.

He looks at the stick.

He looks at the box.

He looks at me.



“How did this happen?”

I don’t answer. I just look at him and blink. Once.



“Um. Okay. Okay, uhhh. Um. Okay.”

He then wraps his arms around me and holds me while continuing to stutter.



I suggest we sit down.

He grabs my hand and leads me to the bed where we both lay down and stare at the cracks in the ceiling.



Shugs: “What do you think we should do?”

Me: “Well, you know how I feel about abortion.”

Shugs: “Would you want to keep it? Is adoption even a possibility?”

Me: “Umm…I’m not sure.”



At this point I can’t help but be disappointed in the loving, mature way he’s handling this. Definitely not the shit show I was bracing myself for. I look over at him and notice he’s a slightly alarming shade of gray. *sigh* Ah well. Enough is enough.



“Shugs. It was probably a mistake not being more careful but you know, your even lamer mistake was in failing to remember that today is April Fools. I had my pregnant coworker pee on it.




To this day he has yet to see the humor.

To this day it still makes me giggle.

27 comments:

  1. It's times like this I wish I was a pregnant woman but I don't really get in on the whole April Fools thing.

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  2. Haaa. My roommate did the SAME THING - sent a pic of a pos pregnancy test to her recent ex (on again, off again guy). I did NOT think it was a good idea..

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  3. Evil. Like the fake lotto ticket evil.
    The gross part is, you were carrying around something your coworker peed on all day.
    Repost or not, still good.

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  4. Fuunnyyy!! Though I can see why absolutely no man on earth would think so.

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  5. Not only a good prank but also a good litmus test for the kind of guy he is under the craziest of circumstances.

    Of course, if a girl did it to me, I don't think I would ever refer to it as a "good prank."

    Give him a pat on the back for me, would ya?

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  6. If I get to meet up with you on the way to Burning Man, I'd like to communicate with you for five full minutes solely via blinking. Promise?

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  7. If my girlfriend did this to me I'd probably have a mental breakdown.

    I'm barely in my early 20's. That's too soon. D:

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  8. PAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!! That is seriously the best ever!!
    And dude. So many freaking preggo people, I can't even handle it. It's ridiculous. I'm so sick of all the big bellies and food craving status updates that have taken over my wall on facebook.

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  9. That may be the best April Fools joke I've ever heard. My wife would have to be careful if she did that, though. I might push her down the stairs before she could say 'April Fools!'

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  10. HA! That'll learn him!!

    :-) Devious, ain't ya?!

    Pearl

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  11. What a naughty gurl! Oooh, I LIKE it... xoxo

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  12. Wow! I have to say that took some planning and a bit of foresight. Nice to see how he handles things, but I don't think I would ever pull that one on a guy.

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  13. I'm going to have to remember this one...just in case it gets pulled on me

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  14. Mark-"Times like this I wish I was a pregnant woman...". Pretty sure I've never heard that sentence before in my life.

    Georgie- Perfectly wrong. :)

    Gia- Is it safe to assume they were off again after that stunt?

    Pickleope- No WAY! Not even close to that level of evilness! Well, maybe close but not as bad. And the pee thing...that thought had crossed my mind multiple times that day. I washed extra well that night and kept my fingers out of my mouth. :)

    Trigirl- Maybe because they have no sense of humor? Maybe not.

    Youngman Brown- One he didn't fail miserably for a change. Unfortunately he did fail one too many so he's not around to pat on the back.

    Mrs. Tuna- One of the very best kind.

    Wow- That sounds incredibly uncomfortable and awkward. Count me in!!

    DWei- I was hoping for a mental breakdown. Some girls have all the luck!

    Alyx- That post was originally from a year and a half ago. Since then BOTH my sisters are now pregnant...AGAIN! Stop the insanity people!

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  15. ABFTS- And that may be one of the most horrifically funny responses I've heard to a wife telling her hubby she's pregnant. Stop it!!

    BamaTrav- Not in your world.

    Pearl- You say that like it's a good thing...right??

    COCM- I'm glad you approve. :)

    Joshua- I was wondering if he was gonna get some male support on this one. :)

    On Bad Pixie- Oddly, I would NEVER try this on Erik.

    G- I'd suggest not calling her a liar right off. I don't see that going over well.

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  16. oh this is just cruel.
    and awesome.
    way more awesome than cruel.

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  17. fantastic!! Ha! HAHAHAHAA! I am going to do this to my 45-year-old husband with my 43-year-old self next year. Remind me, Vixen, would ya? HAAAA.

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  18. Just now reading this one and I can see you my dear Dawn doing this to you lover,.... Funny as hell, mean as shit, but still funny as hell

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  19. Jessica- I couldn't agree more.

    Dawn- Oh for sure! I'm setting up my Outlook reminder now.

    Craig- Mean as shit. You know me well. :)

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  20. Ha. For the sake of "Shugs," I tried not to laugh...really, I did.

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  21. Made me laugh on April 1st and again today......

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  22. Hahahahahaha and then some. That's a good one. I mean, a g.o.o.d. one. Too bad I'm a guy. I can't really pull that trick on my girlfriend.

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  23. lol amazing!! i'm a high school teacher and my seniors tried to convince me i should do this to my bf ..there are two preggo teachers at the school so they were like, just go ask ms. s to pee on a stick for you!!! like it was totally appropriate! hahahha

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