Sunday, October 23, 2011

On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is it to off a coworker?

I spend a lot of my life at work.  With the same people day in and day out.  This can be a very bad thing.  This can be a very bad thing if you work with people like Toph.  The same Toph, if you recall, who tried to murder me with this apple.  Sometimes he makes me laugh until I cry.  Most of the time, he makes me want to punch him in his face until his asshole bleeds.  If that is an actual physical possibility, I do not know.  But I'd be willing to volunteer Toph and participate in a study.  Purely for scientific purposes, naturally.

I had a question about an e-mail I received.  I called him for clarification.  He said he wasn't sure what I was talking about and said "I'll be right over".

Me: No.  You really don't need to come over here.  Just answer the question.

T: Oh, it's not a problem, I'll be right there.

Me: Don't come over here!  I don't want you in my space.

He'd already hung up and was making his way into my personal space.  I had woken up late this morning, thrown on wrinkled clothes that I found on the floor of the closet, brushed my teeth and went to work.  I did not brush my hair, hadn't bothered to apply so much as chapstick on my face, and hadn't even had a sip of coffee yet.  I pretty much spend the first half of every morning looking like I'm hungover, even when I'm not.

T: You look nice today.

Me: Shut the hell up and just answer the question.

T: You know, only if I were single, drunk, blind and dosed on Roofalin, would I be on that.  You know what you should do?  You know what I think would make you pretty?

Me: I don't give a shit what you think.

Toph: How have you not been snatched up?  I'm thinking of a word.  It starts with B and ends in itch.

Me: Okay, you're done.  You have 2 seconds before I stab you in the crotch with my heel.

Toph: You're so pretty when you're pissed off.

Me: You're a complete waste of space.

Toph:  Go fuck yourself.

As he turns to leave I say "That went well".  He replies with "Welcome to work".

Later on that day I accidentally nudged my keyboard out of it's usual position and noticed a white letter painted on my desk.  What the?  I pick up my keyboard to find the following message.

I simply can't imagine who put that there.