Sunday, July 17, 2011

It's Cool Cause I'm Super Good At Other Things.

Okay!  You know what?  I get it!!  I can't cook and/or bake.  After my last post, a couple of people that know me outside of the blogosphere, were kind enough to remind me of a previous epic baking failure, from a YEAR ago, the memory of which I had managed to shove to the back recesses of my mind along with such useless memories like algebra and the entire German poem Die Lorelei.

Die schönste Jungfrau sitzet dort oben wunderbar
ihr goldnes Geschmeide blitzet sie kämmt ihr goldenes Haar.

Such a melodic, flowing language.

Back to the cookies.  I burned them, okay?  Big deal.  I'll bet if I had just scraped the bottoms they would have been fine.  I don't even remember why I thought baking cookies was a good idea.  Another stupid potluck no doubt.  I can't think of any other reason to voluntarily take on such an endeavor.

And yes, it's been pointed out that I used a cake pan instead of a cookie sheet.  You bakers and your semantics.
On more than one occasion I'll show up to work with some story about my latest moronic escapade and my dear friend and confidant confidence sucking asshole of a coworker Jack will ask, yet again, "Soo, what exactly are you any good at?  Can you do anything?  Why exactly is E2 dating you?"  It's such a good thing I have a healthy self esteem.  So, I've decided to list some things that I'm super good at and make me awesome.

1. Flossing.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Oral hygiene is not to be taken lightly.  People judge you by your teeth.  You only get one set.  Take care of them people!  So yeah, I'm super good at flossing.

2.  Some people think I'm funny.  I have proof!  Caffeinated OC Mommy was awesome enough to mention me in her blog so I'm returning the love.  Her most recent post where she talks about crack-o-lanterns had me giggling and shuddering all at once.  Kinda like a really good pee shiver, only better!  So yeah, she's awesome.  And she thinks I'm funny.  Booyah!!

3.  I can type 88 wpm.  At least that was the best score I got taking the typing test at work on Friday instead of filing like I should have been doing.  And yeah, it was after my third try and I had 5 mistakes but still...
You know what?  Shut up!

4.  I'm also super good at realizing when to quit when I'm not enjoying something.  Such as making stupid, pointless lists that require self reflection and may or may not put a small dint in my incredibly healthy, impenetrable self esteem JAKE YOU DICK!!  Oops, I mean Jack.  Ah well, looks like your covers blown now.  *shrug*


  1. I need to take better care of my teeth.

  2. I'll see what I can do about finding a hot, young dental assistant your way for some inspiration.

  3. I've definitely had some baking experiences like that-except I didn't realize the cake was ruined until we got to my work pot luck-oops haha

  4. That's when you offer to carry someone else's dish in for them then pass if off as your own while pointing out what a disaster that cake is and who brought that anyway?

  5. Those are beyond burnt, I feel pity for them.

  6. Don't worry, I absolutely suck at cooking anything that doesn't come out of a box.

    About the only thing that I'm pretty good at cooking is toast and I'm starting to master plain omelettes....everything else? Burned to high hell.

    My girlfriend is basically banning me from the kitchen when we live together. -laughs-

  7. I figure as long as there's one of you in the equation that can wield a whisk, you'll be alright. Congrats on the toast though! :)

  8. Remember that time I said I literally laughed out loud in the cake post?

    Well, it just happened again.

  9. Looks like you are really good at making coasters.

  10. Andrew- Remember when I called you an asshole? Yeah...luckily you're still adorable.

    Wow- I should add that to my list of things I'm super good at that make me awesome. Maybe I'll even start my own Etsy shop!

  11. Just came across your I can't stop thinking about snot. I have a serious issue with it too! What the hell am I going to do when my son starts eating his boogers? ACK!!

  12. No, no...I'm not getting all schadenfreude over here...


  13. We're you trying to incinerate them?

  14. I don't know you, and I've only read this one post, but I love you. Just sayin'.

  15. Hi! You make me laugh! Love your blog! New follower from the Stalk Hop! I would love for you to stop by to say hi and return follow! :)

  16. Elana- What IS it with children and their mucus? Is it the texture? The salt? Ugh. Make it stop!!!

    Joshua- Sure, sure but it's cool. I laugh when I see people fall down. Even if I'm the one who pushed them. It's only polite to laugh at others misfortunes.

    Mandy_Fish- Um...yes?

    Natalie- Uhh...this is a little awkward and I'm not sure how to say this but, it's not you, it's me. I'm just not ready for that level of commitment. ;)

    About A Mom- Thanks! I'll head over to check you out.

  17. Hahah I love reading your baking gone wrong posts. But who needs to know how to back when you have exceptional dental hygiene (because far too many people don't as far as I am concerned), and are as hilarious as you are? Baking is overrated anyway. Why bake, when you can buy delicious baked goods for pretty cheap without the mess or the hassle?

  18. As cookies, they may have lacked something.

    As charcoal, they rock.


    Nice post!!


  19. Hi! I love your blog so much that I've just awarded you with the Butterfly Blogger Award! ! Click the link to come pick up your award!!

    Kortney's Krazy Life

  20. Lindsay- I like where your heads at and I'll be using that method come Monday. And whys that? Oh, funny you should ask. We're having ANOTHER EFFING POTLUCK! I wish I were joking.

    Pearl- The silver lining! There it is! Thanks for finding it. :)

    Kortney- Shut the front door!!! You're an absolute sweetheart. Thank you!!!