Tuesday, January 12, 2010

That's IT 2009. I'm breaking up with you forever!


New Year's Eve. Why must it always be so complicated?

Plan A) See friends band open for Eve6.-Plan canceled.
Plan B) Get dressed up and go dancing with girlfriends.-Girlfriends backed out.
Plan C) Put on my PJ's, climb into bed and wallow in the essence of my boyfriends douchebaggery.-Plan aborted.

I went with my non planned plan. Here's how it went down. While in the midst of my wallowing I sent a text to my friend to let him know all plans were off. Except Plan C. I still liked that plan at the moment. My friend informed me that I needed to pull my head out (I refrained from asking him from where it should be pulled from, I had a pretty good idea) and not let a silly boy ruin my New Years. I told him I would think about it, hung up and continued to wallow. After about another 30 minutes I realized the wallowing had grown tiresome and was requiring more effort than I was willing to contribute to it. I called my friend back, who I suppose should have a name at this point. My friend is gay and is not yet ready for the entire world to know it, so to protect his ultra classified gay identity from the three of you who actually read this, I'll call him Michael.
I once dated a guy named Michael. He was a diver for the University of Utah who, at one point, thought we were in the kind of relationship where it was cool for him to ask me to help him shave. His entire body. My look of abject horror and disgust was answer enough. He didn't ask me again. He used more product in his hair than I did and wore eyeliner and concealer when we went out. Oh. And he actually minced when he walked. He was the gayest straight man I ever knew. You know, he turned out to be a rather horrid individual and since I really like my gay friend I think I won't call him Michael after all. Let's just go with Jack. Nice and generic and the only Jack I know is an adorable 1st grader.

So Jack picks me up and we head off into the lights of downtown ready for a night of dancing and debauchery.

An hour and 6 clubs later we have yet to find the homo hideout. All the usual spots are dead. This is most disappointing. Finally FINALLY one of the parking valets at another joint mentions the big debut of The Rail. Ooooooo The RAIL! Never heard of it. Off we go. We find it and have to drive around the block twice because there is no parking and an incredibly long twisty line of shivering little twinks waiting to get in. This bodes well. We make our way to the end of the line and realize we are about 10 to 15 years older than every one of these people in line. This does not bode well. But after an hour of searching for this joint we are not to be deterred. Another 20 minutes of shivering violently in the winter air and its our turn! The girl behind the glass asks if we want regular admission or VIP?
"What does VIP get us?"
"You can sit in the VIP lounge and you don't have to wait in line."
"You mean the line we just waited in for 20 mins?"
"Yeah."

Blink. Blink.

"We'll take regular admission."

It ended up being one of the most enjoyable New Years I've had. We danced, we laughed, we made fun of some of the outfits. One of the only straight boys there asked for a kiss during the count down. I offered my cheek. After kissing both cheeks he exclaimed "Mmm you taste good!" Apparently MAC's NC20 studio fix is quite delectable. Needless to say, it creeped me out and we avoided him the rest of the night.
I ran into a coworker from the office who I didn't know was gay. If his sleeveless black mohair shirt with sparkles didn't give him away, the fact that he immediately started making out with a stylist from my salon kind of let the cat out of the bag. Interesting way of introducing yourself but I don't get to go to a gay bar and judge. Unless it has to do with their choice of wardrobe and then I mock straights and gays alike. Speaking of wardrobe...there was someone there with the most fantastic dress on. The exact same one I was wearing. Only in white. We had to get a picture together.

All in all the night was a success. I'm thoroughly relieved that 2009 and I are through for good. It seemed to be a rather rocky year for a lot of people. I'm looking forward to 2010, who so far, has been a much kinder partner than 2009. I know you're not supposed to compare past relationships but lets be honest...everyone does it, and so far 09', I have to say you've already fallen short of what 10' has to offer me. I have a lot to look forward to this year but most importantly, I now know where the super secret homo hideout is!!!




1 comment:

  1. The Rail is one of the most unorganized venus there is here in SLC. I went to a show there last Thur. and it was awful.

    I am with you on breaking up with 2009 - I am still looking forward to 2010 and we're almost a month into it.

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