Saturday, December 26, 2009

Ingrate Incarnate

The older I get the more I realize that Christmas is not a good holiday for singles. We don't have significant others to plan around, no children for the grandparents to dote on. We tend to get lost in the shuffle and are asked to show up when it's convenient for everyone else. Why does this sting a little? It shouldn't even matter. It's a holiday that revolves around family, which is precisely why it used to be my second favorite. This year it has dropped to somewhere in between Valentine's Day and Arbor Day, neither of which even count as real holidays and therefore don't even merit a real rating. This year, my family seems like it's...I don't know the word...fractured? My sister moved to Nova Scotia earlier this year along with my nephew, niece and brother-in-law. My brother volunteered to work on Christmas preventing my other nephew from coming on Christmas Day. My other sister, her husband and my youngest nephew spent Christmas and the day after with his family. So that left my parents and myself. Needless to say, they opted to change Christmas this year to Sunday December 27th so my youngest sister and my brother could make it. December 25th was spent sleeping, staring vacantly into the fridge, watching T.V. and staring into the fridge some more, hoping different food options had magically appeared since the last time I checked. They hadn't. I even looked online and called up four different homeless shelters hoping I could volunteer. Not out of the goodness of my heart or a love for my fellowman or to be able to share with my coworkers on Monday what a selfless individual I was for giving up my Christmas to help those less fortunate that I. No. It was out of sheer boredom. However, they turned me down. They were booked solid with help from volunteers which was surprising but also heartwarming to know there are that many people willing to serve on Christmas...and for the right reason!
My best friend Steele was kind enough to invite me to share in his family's Christmas celebrations and I stopped by to drop off a couple of gifts but didn't stay. He has an amazing family and I love them. They've always welcomed me into their home with hugs and food and treated me with warmth and kindness. I couldn't stay. It made me homesick for my family which was an odd feeling since I wasn't away for the holidays this year. I have no way to describe it other than it made me incredibly dejected and melancholy.
I know how fortunate I am to have a family that loves me unconditionally. They know about all the crappy decisions I make and admonish me accordingly...what kind of family would they be if they didn't at least attempt to keep me on the straight and narrow? I have amazing friends that know what a social retard I am and love me despite my many many faults. My phone was blowing up yesterday with phone calls and text messages wishing me well and it made me feel loved and special. Christmas overall was a colossal disappointment for me and I would have done well to keep in mind the entire reason for it, but I missed my family and I wallowed in that self indulgent pity like a spoiled little brat.

So it turned out to be just like any other day except that everyone I knew was busy and the only stores open were 711. Thank goodness I'm a fan of those delightful taquito's.

Monday, December 14, 2009

She's Going The Distance...or not.

I was going through some boxes of stuff tonight and came across my journal from the last six years. Yeahhh. I didn't write in it all that often. But I found the entry where I had decided that since I never finished college, the only logical career path would be to become a real estate agent. It was in August of 2007 that I was writing about being on the "home stretch" to becoming licensed.
Huh. I have now been on that home stretch for the last two years and four months. In all reality I guess you could say I reached the home stretch, paused to throw back some celebration drinks, projectile vomited celebratory drinks and then promptly passed out on said home stretch.
I remember this. My husband at the time and I were having a lot of problems and I just simply stopped caring. My desire was gone. I remember everyone at the real estate office I was working for at the time kept asking if I was licensed yet. That was the only reason I even considered continuing with it. Dedication? Motivation? A sense of accomplishment? Nawww. I just didn't want everyone at the office thinking I was a dumb ass.