Sunday, November 22, 2009

Screw You Ten & Two!


I suppose it's time to admit it's really winter. I know, not officially until December 21st but when it's snowing out like it is right now, in my book that qualifies as bloody stupid winter. Fully aware that last statement made me sound like a total juvenile but I simply don't care.
I know a lot of people right now are so excited for the snow and all the fun snow adventures just waiting to happen. Sure, me too. Bring on the snow angels, the snowball fights, snow boarding, the amazing snow covered mountains and the surreal Christmas wonderland Utah becomes every season. It's beyond beautiful. I get it.

What I DONT get, is how to drive in the crap. I learned how to drive in Florida for hells sake. Bring on the rainy season with the torrential down pours. I can maneuver out of hydroplaning like I was Danica Patrick.
SNOW, on the other hand, is a whole other two hour drivers ed video I was never privy to. Last winter I spent my commute in a rear wheel drive BMW. Any idea how a rear wheel drive vehicle handles in the slippery slushy wintery snow? No need to raise your hand cause the answer is, IT DOESN'T!!! I work in downtown Salt Lake City which, I know, isn't really a city at all but there sure were quite a number of other cars for me to slide into every morning. As soon as I would start the car up I could feel my heart start to race with the anxiety of what I knew was coming. It was a struggle just to stay in my lane. I had a death grip on the steering wheel so tight my knuckles were white. Sliding around that first curve coming up the on-ramp to enter the freeway I would break out into a cold sweat. Once on the freeway I would chant out loud "10 and 2. Tried and true. 10 and 2. Tried and true." It was my own personal mantra and I was positive if I stopped saying it I would meet with certain doom in the form of sliding off the road and having to hike in 4" heels, in snow, to safety. Thus, I would periodically check my hand placement mid chant to ensure that they were indeed at 10 and 2 since my grip was so tight I couldn't really feel the steering wheel any longer. But I knew the worst was yet to come. The parking garage. My winter nemesis. You really don't pay much attention to slight inclines that lead into parking structures...until those slight inclines are all that's standing between you and the safe, warm security of sitting nice and cozy at your desk with the space heater cranked to full capacity. And no, I'm not the only one who trips the breakers thank you very much.
This is where the slow and steady approach has failed me one too many times. Never even made it half way with slow and steady. There was no question of relinquishing my 10 and 2 death grip however. I'd sit at the bottom, take a deep breath, and floor it. With the tires spinning I would fishtail my way up that damn slope and hope not to slam into the gate before the arm had time to go all the way up. Every damn glacially frigid morning.

But not this year. This year is gonna be different. My new mantra is gonna be "Who needs you, 10 and 2?" while driving footloose and fancy free. I'll probably even listen to the radio and if I feel like only keeping one hand on the steering wheel, possibly at the 12 o'clock position, by golly I'm darn well going to. If I had ever had any doubts of God's existence (which, just for the record I haven't) I know he loves me for the simple creation of four wheel drive. So long worthless BMW. Hellooooo JEEP!

2 comments:

  1. Ok so did you get a new car? A jeep I assume. This was hilarious by the way.

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  2. I did. A little jeep liberty and although we've only had one snow storm this season, so far so good. Now where is some wood to knock on...

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